Lily Evans' Secret Life
by HPFanficlover99
Summary: Lily Evans' story of her journey through Hogwarts and after. Fair warning: This might get a little dark into depression. I can't imagine Lily not going through some sort of teenage/young adult depression. Please, PLEASE review! I'm curious to know what you guys think. Suggestions are more than welcome.
1. Prologue

"Lily! Lily get back here! Come here!" Petunia chases after her sister, frowning. "Lily! I'm telling Mummy!"

Lily grins as she stops at a large oak tree. "Look what I can do Tunia!" She bends down and plucks a small wild flower from the ground, floating it to her sister. Petunia stops running when she reaches her sister, staring at the flower. Lily smiles at her sister, full of hope and love for her sister.

"You're a freak Lily! Mummy said not to do that!" Petunia shoves her sister down, jealousy running through her whole body. "You're a freak Lily!"

Lily Evans sits up in her bed, sweat dripping from her forehead as she wakes from the memory. She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand and silently slides out from beneath her scarlet covers, trying not to wake her roommates. Gingerly, Lily creeps to the bathroom, watching as one of her friends stirs ever so slightly in her sleep. She shuts the door and sits on the toilet, trying to push away the feelings that memory brought about. It was the first day that Petunia had called her a freak. Over and over she would call her a freak every summer. Lily shuts her eyes, picturing her sister. Over and over Petunia yelled at her. _Freak! Freak! You're a freak Lily and you go to a freak school! A school for freaks!_

Tears sting behind her eyelids. _You're a freak Lily! A freak!_ Petunia's words echo in her head, over and over. Nothing was more painful to Lily than having your sister think of you as a freak. Not even the times Lily was sent to the hospital wing for a third degree burn from James Potter. Shaking her head, Lily stands up and rinses her face. Emerald eyes meet emerald eyes in the mirror.

"Lily Evans you are a strong witch. Your blood and where you come from doesn't matter. You are stronger than anyone knows. What Petunia thinks of your gifts doesn't matter. You are Lily J. Evans and you are a witch." She nods, allowing a smile to grace her face as she walks out into her dorm and goes back to bed. Lily didn't necessarily feel good all of the time but she wouldn't let the name calling get to her. She would focus on her studies then go on to do wonderful things. Screw what Petunia said. Screw what the Death Eaters thought of her. She was Lily Evans and she could do anything she put her mind to.


	2. Chapter 1

~Chapter One~

"Evans! Evans! Come here!" Lily hears James Potter calling to her as she walks into the Great Hall for breakfast but rolls her eyes and continues to walk. "Evans! I need to ask you a question about the homework for Herbology. Seriously." Unable to resist being able to rub her knowledge in her face, she walks over to him and his band of misfit friends.

"What do you want Potter?" Lily asks, trying not to walk away as she sees the smug look on his face.

"I was wondering if you could tell me what the Chinese Chomping Cabbage eats?"

"Shouldn't you already know this? It's on page 45 of the textbook. Or did you use those to start a fire in someone's trunk as a prank?" James grins up at her and chuckles along with his best friend Sirius.

"No but that's an excellent idea Lily! Thanks!"

"You, James Potter, are an arrogant toerag." Lily walks away, rolling her eyes as they laugh a little. _They're not laughing at you Lily, you know that._ Lily walks to her usual seat and sits down, getting a bowl of fruit and some juice for breakfast. Looking up she smiles at her best friend Severus Snape at the Slytherin table. Lily gives him a small wave before she returns to eating her food.

"Hey Lily. Are you okay? You look a bit under the weather today." Lily looks up from her measly breakfast and smiles at Rebecca Jones, a friend of hers since first year.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you. Just think I'm getting a bit of that flu that's been going around. I'll be okay. How are you? You didn't seem to have gotten a lot of sleep last night. You were tossing and turning constantly."

"I actually got a really good night's rest last night but I heard you get up in the middle of the night. Bad dream?" Rebecca asks Lily as she helps herself to food. Lily simply nods her head, choosing not to answer aloud. "Do you want to talk about it? Is it because of what the Daily Prophet was reporting yesterday? About that muggle family? Lily I'm sure your family is fine." Rebecca tries to reassure her friend, patting her on the back gently.

"I- I know. I just worry is all. It just feels like the attacks are getting closer and closer to home. I mean, what if one happens here?" Lily and Rebecca both instinctively look over at the Slytherin table, knowing a lot of You-Know-Who's supports come from Slytherin house. "We all know that some of them are talking about joining, or have joined already."

"Dumbledore won't let that happen. He's the most powerful wizard out there. He won't let anyone hurt us." Rebecca smiles and gently pats her friend on the back. Truthfully Rebecca was scared as heck, just like her friend. "Come on, we should get to class." Lily nods and stands up, shouldering her bag. "It's gonna be okay Lily. It will be, you'll see. But for now we need to get to Charms class. That should cheer you up. You'll get to rub it in James Potter's face how much better at Charms you are than him."

"He is rubbish at Charms isn't he?" Lily smiles, linking arms with her friend and walking up the grand staircase to Charms class. Charms class was by far Lily's favorite and it wasn't just because it was the one she was best at. "On second thought, I'll meet you there. I should go and say good morning to Sev."

"Oh, right. You're still friends with him." Rebecca smiles tersely at the mention of her friend's Slytherin friend. "Okay, I'll see you in class I suppose." Lily, ignoring her friend's rudeness, unlinks their arms and walks to her Slytherin friend as he gets up from the table.

"Good morning Sev," Lily greets her friend with a smile. Sev was one of the few things that brightened up Lily's day. He was always there for her when she needed him, though their friendship had been slightly tenser since school had started up again.

"Good morning Lily. How are you?" Severus smiles slightly, glancing at the other Slytherins leaving the table. He could tell they were talking about him and Lily again. "Shouldn't you be off to Charms?"

"Trying to get rid of me so soon Sev? I'm offended." Lily smiles up at her friend and links their arms. "I figured I could spare the extra two minutes to walk with you to the stairs."

"Hey Snivillus! Get your hands off Evans! She doesn't want your grease stains all over her uniform!" Sirius Black yells from across the hall, laughing with James. Lily groans and keeps walking with Severus.

"They're so unoriginal. They've been using the same 'jokes' since first year. Ignore them Sev. I like your hair just the way it is." Lily smiles up at her friend, not used to him being taller than her. But she knew it made sense since they were in fifth year. "You would think they would be a little bit more mature by now. I mean, we graduate in two years. We take our O.W.L.s this year. Aren't you excited? I am. I can't wait to take them!"

"That's just because you're going to do great Lily. I should get to the Potions classroom. I'll see you at break though." Severus smiles a little, trying to ignore the stares from others.

"Oh, okay. Yeah. I'll see you then. Bye Sev!" Lily smiles and walks up the stairs to Charms with Flitwick. Severus watches her go for a few seconds then heads to his scheduled class.

"Today, we will be learning the Stunning Charm. Now you will partner up. The list is on the board. Make sure you aim for the pillows." Professor Flitwick's high voice cuts through the noise of students setting their books down. Lily, excited to be learning something new, quickly makes her way to the board to see who she has been paired with.

"Potter?! I've been paired with Potter? Professor isn't there anyone else I could work with? Please?" Lily pleads, frozen in shock.

"I figured you could help Mr. Potter with his spell work. He seems to be falling slowly behind. Now off you go Ms. Evans and I don't want to hear of anymore complaining." Flitwick says from atop his stack of books.

"Yes professor," Lily grumbles as she makes her way to Potter and his three friends. Sirius had been paired with Peter and Remus had been paired with Rebecca. "Potter, it seems you and I have been paired up together."

James can't help but smile, running a hand through his unruly hair. "Well Evans, it seems like even Professor Flitwick knows we're a match made in heaven. Shall we begin? Ladies first." James bows slightly and arranges the pillows in the floor so he can simply fall down. Lily whips out her wand and takes aim.

"Stupefy!" Lily says clearly, hitting James square in the chest with the pink light. James falls onto the pillow, the spell having taken effect but not all the way. His chest and neck were frozen but not anything else. Lily shakes it off and smiles slightly, proud of herself for getting it at least partly right. She takes aim at James who is still laying on the floor and tries the counter spell. "Rennervate!" Once again, the spell works part way and brings James' stunned chest and neck back to their moveable state.

"Good job Evans!" James smiles as he stands up, taking out his wand. "Are you ready to be stunned?"

"Oh please Potter. Like you're going to get this right." Lily rolls her eyes but preps the pillows, just in case.

"Watch and learn boys. Stuffepy!" James says, aiming for Lily's body. The spell hits her and does cause her to fall to the ground but instead her robes turn into pillow stuffing. "Oh! Uh, my bad!"

"Potter! The spell is 'Stupefy'! Now "stuffepy"! Do you even pay attention!?" Lily shrieks, standing up. "I can't believe you! Look at what you did to my robes! You owe me a new set! This isn't funny Potter!" James and his friends can't help but laugh at the mistake and the mad redhead with a cloud of stuffing all around her.

"I'm sorry Evans! It's just funny as hell!" James apologizes through his laughter.

"Oh really? You think this is funny." Lily raises her wand and, in a clear voice, says "stupefy!" The effect is immediate, James's body goes rigid and falls to the floor. This immediately makes Sirius and Peter stop laughing. "Now that is funny." Lily laughs at Potter's seemingly lifeless body.

"Oh well done Ms. Evans! Look everyone, she's done it!" Flitwick smiles proudly as his favorite student perfectly displays the spell. The rest of the class grumbles as they're all bested by Lily Evans once again. James, though unconscious, can't help but be proud of the woman he loves.


	3. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

"Hey Sev," Lily smiles at her best friend as she walks to their usual spot under the shade of a tree. "How was double potions?"

"Good. We did a review of last year. Draught of the Living Dead. How was Charms with Potter?" Sev tries to keep his tone light, keeping an eye out for the delinquents that liked to corner him and torment him. He hated seeming weak in front of Lily but Potter always got the jump on him. Potter always made sure to have a friend with him, namely Sirius Black. If only Severus could separate the two of them, then things would be different.

"It was good. We learned Stupefy. I was paired with Potter but I did get to stun him." Lily smiles, settling beside her best friend in the dark shade of the oak tree. As it was the start of term, they didn't have much homework yet. But that never stopped Lily from working ahead. She had already asked for extra assignments from Professor Slughorn and Professor Flitwick. Lily liked to stay busy, if she wasn't busy then she lost track of what she wanted and began to let her mind wander to darker things and darker times. No, it was best Lily stay busy in her mind. If she was busy she would be alright. Plus it was how she kept ahead. There were some people out there who called her the brightest witch of her age and if her exam scores were anything to go off of, she truly was the brightest witch of her age.

"Well I'm good you finally put him in his place." Sev says, pouring over his potions book, jotting down little notes in the margins. Lily couldn't help but admire her friend's potion skills and how meticulous he is. He was the best at potion making in their year. It was amazing the way he could find different ways to mix potions than the traditional ways. She often envied her friend for his skills in Potions class and had asked him on several occasions to tutor her so she could be better. "We have Herbology together today. I know how much you love Herbology. Are you excited?"

"You really do know everything about me, don't you Sev?" Lily smiles as Severus blushes lightly, hiding behind his book. "Well it makes sense, you are my best friend. I am very excited for Herbology but right now, I need to write my essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts." Lily pulls out her favorite quill and gets to work, writing down all of the facts she had memorized about defensive jinxes and curses. Defense Against the DARK Arts is, in Lily's mind, her most practical class for the time being. Their world is at war or, at the very least, on the brink of it. Each day He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named grows strong. Each day He kidnaps more people and takes them lord only knows where. Lily wants to feel prepared and DADA helps her do it. Thus she had poured over her textbook the night before and had memorized most of the information in it. Now it was time to put that information on paper. Her quill scratches along the parchment as she writes, her excitement and knowledge both flooding into her words.

"Oi! Snivellus! It seems you're in our spot!" James Potter's voice cuts through Lily's thoughts like a knife. He didn't see Lily from his view point.

"James, we don't want it now that it's got Snivellus's grease stains all over it." Sirius grins as he saunters down to the tree.

"We can just clean that up with a water spell Padfoot. How about.. I take off Snivellus's trousers?" James whips out his wand, ready to cast a charm on Severus who was scampering to a standing position. Lily, being quicker than her friend, pulls out her wand and steps out from behind the tree. James slows down a little bit, his wand slowly lowering to his side. "Oh, I didn't see you there Evans. Still hanging out with the snake I see." Lily glowers at James, her wand by her side but ready to come up just in case.

"I am still hanging out with my friend, Potter. And this isn't your spot. This is a tree on school grounds. Anyone is allowed to sit here."

"Well that's the difference between us and you Evans. We don't allow snakes to come into our territory." Sirius steps up, seeing James falter ever so slightly. He and Lily normally got along but he wasn't going to back down from a challenge.

"Isn't your family full of Slytherins Black? Aren't you the black sheep of the Black family?" Lily shoots back, not one to back down from defending her friends. Sirius's chest unpuffs and he frowns, not sure how to answer to that. "Let's just go Sev. These idiots aren't worth our time."

"Do you always have to hide behind Evans, Snivellus? Seems you don't have a spine, coward." James grins, loving antagonizing Severus. Severus, not thinking about how he was out numbered if he stood by himself, draws his wand from his pocket. James, seeing this with a seeker's eyes, raises his wand and yells "expelliamus!" Severus's wand goes flying out of his hand and twelve feet into the air. Sirius catches it, grinning wildly. Severus's eyes widen, he thought he would have caught them by surprise. Lily stands between her defenseless friend and James, her wand raised in defense.

"James! Enough! Give Severus back his wand!" Lily demands the wand back, her hand out stretched.

"It seems he does need Ms. Evans there to protect him." Sirius grins, holding the wand just out of Lily's reach. "If you want his wand back… You need to kiss James." Sirius grins as James runs a hand through his hair.

"There is no way I am ever kissing James Potter. I'd rather go out on a date with a giant. Now give me the wand Sirius."

"I don't need her to protect me! Give me my wand and we'll have a fair duel on our hands." Severus shoots back at his attacker, stepping out from behind Lily. He was sick of being called a coward. By this time a crowd had gathered to watch how this would unfold.

"Oh look little Snivellus has got a pair. Padfoot, you owe me a sickle." James grins, taking a step toward Severus and Lily. Lily doesn't move but Severus takes a half step backward.

"James, enough. Give me the wand. Now."Lily says in a calm voice and, after distracting the boys with trying to come up with a retort aims her wand at Sirius's hand. "Expelliamus!" Lily jumps up and catches Severus's wand, pulling him away from the Maruaders, as they had deemed themselves. "Come on Sev!" Lily pulls him away, summoning their bags and she pulls him. Severus follows, his blood boiling. Once they get to a disserted corridor, Severus stops moving. Lily looks back at her friend, frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Give me my wand Lily." Severus says, his voice which was normally warm toward Lily now running cold. It was a side Lily had only seen a few times in her life. Lily hands him his wand, trying to figure out what was going through his head.

"What's wrong Sev? They're just jerks. Ignore them. We got away this time but you can't keep trying to antagonize them. Remus and Peter normally stay away but if it ever got serious, you know they would join in and then we'd be out numbered two to one. Then what would we do?"

"I don't need you protecting me! I'm not a coward! I don't need some stupid girl to protect me all the time!" Severus shouts at her. Stunned, Lily takes a step back. She wasn't expecting this. _Even he thinks I'm stupid._ Severus, realizing what he had said, takes a small step toward his friend. "Lily, I didn't mean it.. I promise I didn't mean it. I just. I'm so sorry Lily. You know I don't think you're stupid." He tries to touch her arm but Lily pulls away and takes off running down the corridor. Tears sting at her eyes as she runs to the fifth floor deserted corridor where she usually hides when things got tough.

 _Of all people, I never thought he would call me stupid. A stupid girl nonetheless._ Lily sits on a bench, letting the tears fall down her face. _He didn't mean it. I'm sure of it. Severus would never call me names. He was just upset from James calling him names and such. He didn't mean it._ Lily argues with herself as she sobs, thinking about all of the times that Petunia called her a stupid freak and how the girls at muggle school had always bullied her for her red hair and how she was always studying.

At Hogwarts it was better because she was accepted for her magical abilities and envied but she was a muggle born. She was friends with a Slytherin when she was in Gryffindor. At home, she had never fit in with her sister or her sisters friends because she was was a witch. She couldn't please everyone and she knew that. But then why does she feel like crap all the time? Why does she constantly strive to please everyone? Why does she, knowing she is different, strive to blend in and be like everyone else? _Your name is Lily J. Evans. You are a witch. You are a bright young mind and you will do wonderful things in life. Simple as that. Severus didn't mean what he had said. He'd never call you names or make fun of you. He's your best friend. Brush it off and go on with your day._

Even though Lily said these things and had gotten off the bench, going about her day. Things with Severus weren't easy. Months past and soon autumn turned to winter. Severus and Lily's relationship was not the same after that. Severus wasn't the same after that.


	4. Chapter 3

Slowly but surely the air around Hogwarts cooled down and the leaves fell. The students bundled up and made sure to stay warm. Lily not only felt the cold outside but also felt the cold from her best friend Severus. Even though it had been a couple months, things were still not the same. As their classes grew in difficulty Lily did not have time to focus on fixing her relationship with Severus. She had never felt more alone, more empty.

"Lily? Are you going to go to Hogsmede this weekend? It's basically our last chance to buy things for our families."

"I think I am going but I won't stay the whole time. I have that essay for Professor Slughorn that I need to finish." Lily responds to Rebecca's question. The common room fire crackles in the background and the occasional page flip makes Lily feel as if she isn't alone.

"Sounds good. Do you want to walk down with Roger and I?" Rebecca ad Roger Damsey were dating. They were the most recent 'It' couple.

"No. I would not want to impose upon you two but thank you for the offer. I think I'm going to go by the library before dinner. I'll see you later." Lily packs her bag and shoulders it, walking out. She makes her way down the stairs and to the library. "Good afternoon Madam Pince," Lily smiles as she greets the elderly lady who works at the front desk of the library. She continues to walk, going to the Potions section of the library. Scanning through the books, she tries to find the book she needs that clearly dictates the history of the Draught of Peace potion the fifth year potions class would be studying in the up and coming weeks. It was imperative that Lily get the right information. She could not slip up at all. "Oh where are you you silly book.."

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Lily jumps when Severus speaks out of nowhere. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, no you're fine." lily tries to calm her drumming heartbeat. Severus and Lily hadn't spoken for weeks. "How are you?"

"I am well, and yourself?"

"I'm alright. Looking for this book I need for the potions essay we are supposed to write before Christmas break. The one on-"

"The Draught of Peace. I figured you would want the best information so I already pulled the book off of the shelf for you." Severus holds out the thick tomb to her, his smile bashful and slightly hopeful.

"Thank you Sev. I appreciate that." Lily takes the book with a small smile, not really sure what to say next. _He's your best friend you idiot! This should be easy!_

"Are you going to go to Hogsmeade?"

"I don't know yet. Are you?"

"I will if you will."

"Well then it's settled we'll go down together." Lily smiles at her best friend, feeling her doubts and worries drift away.

"See James? Even Snivellus can get a date and you can't!" Sirius's voice drifts down the row of books at the gang approaches the two friends. "Hello Evans. I would greet you Snivellus but I try not to talk to trash." His cocky grin makes Lily's blood run cold. She wanted to smack him or hex him. Or both.

"What do you want Black? Nobody asked you to come." Severus asks, his hand drifting toward his wand.

"What do I want? I want you to mind your greasy business."

"Enough you two! Not here! This is the library, not some pub!" Lily quietly insists, standing between the group of males and her friend. "Why don't three just go on your way?"

"You see I would but I have to do some detention of shelving books and so does James. Peter is here to work on his essay." Lily glances over at the fat, shy friend of the two cockiest males Lily had ever met. "So you see, we can't leave now can we?"

"Though you're more than welcome to keep us company," James adds in, his hand running through his untamable hair.

"I'd rather go out with an acromantula," Lily says, taking Severus's hand and brushing past the two boys.

"I can arrange that I'm sure!" James calls after her.

"Ugh! Of all the arrogant self centered people in this world why did he have to take an interest in me!" Lily groans, walking. She freezes when she spots a group of Slytherins headed right for her and Severus. Severus immediately let's his hand drop by his side and puts his head down.

"Ah look at the stupid little mudblood. You could do so much better Snape." Christopher Nott says, sneering down at Lily. Lily tries not to cower before the older student, not wanting to look weak but it was hard with Severus simply bowing down to the comments and wishes of the older student.

"Don't call me that. Please." Lily says through clenched teeth, mustering all of the Gryffindor courage that she can.

"Ohh looks like the little lion can say something other than facts memorized from a book." Christopher's girlfriend sneers down at the younger girl, clinging to her boyfriend's arm as though her life depended on it. "Well too bad she doesn't know how to do any glamor charms to hide the stench of her dirt blood."

"My blood isn't dirty. My parents just aren't magical." Lily argues, trying not to stoop to their level of insults.

"Why don't I cut that face of yours up just so we can see how dirty your blood is little mudblood?" Nott sneers, pulling out his wand and raising it toward her face.

"Expelliamus!" James yells, catching Nott's wand in the air and pointing his own toward the older student. "Back away from her right now! Don't you lay a hand on her!" Nott smirks and raises his hands in surrender, taking two steps back.

"Alright little fifth year. You've had your fun. Now give me my wand."

"I don't think you deserve this, picking on a younger student then you simply because you're jealous of her skills." James argues, still holding his wand up.

"Don't even think about it Goyle. I'll hex you faster than you can scarf down an entire cake on christmas night." Sirius says, his wand pointed at on of Nott's followers. Goyle, a rather fat young boy, pulls his hand out of his pocket without his wand. "That's right. Now all of you get out of here. Now!"

"You better watch yourself blood traitor. You're just as bad as the mudbloods in His book!" Nott says, grabbing his wand from James and leaving.

"Are you okay?" James asks Lily, going to her side and putting his hand on her elbow. "He didn't hurt you did he?" His eyes go to Severus who simply watched the scene unfold. "And you! You claim to be her friend but you didn't do anything! You didn't defend her! You didn't even bat an eye when he raised his wand at her! You're a coward! Over and over again you prove that you're nothing but a lazy, stupid, good for nothing coward!"

"James. Enough. I appreciate the help but that is enough! How dare you attack my friend! He-he was in shock!" Lily says, straightening her clothes and hair. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm leaving." She walks straight out of the library, Severus trailing behind her.

"You did good mate and she knows that. She even called you James this time. And she didn't even sound that angry." Sirius pats his friend on the back, stowing his wand away. "You were her hero." James smiles a little bit, nodding and putting away his wand.

"I just want her to know that she does have friends. Friends that will stand up for her when she needs them to. Now come on. Madam Pince looks like she's about reading to explode. I have a feeling we earned ourselves yet another detention spent in here."

"Well it's a good thing Peter here has a huge crush on her then." Sirius grins, putting his arm around James and Peter, chuckling as his friend turns pink. tfan


	5. Chapter 4

"Is it true? Did he really attack you? Because I heard from Trisha who heard from Dave who heard from Frank who heard from Remus that Christopher Nott tried to attack you and you've been in the Hospital Wing all afternoon getting your face fixed from the attack!" Rebecca bombards Lily as soon as she steps into their shared dormitory.

"What? No. He was just being his usual creepy self. That's all." Lily brushes her off, setting her back pack down on the bed.

"Well it's a good thing that James was there to protect you then. I heard that Severus did absolutely nothing except for cry and cower in the corner." Lily scowls, knowing who probably started that rumor.

"He didn't cry and he didn't cower either. He froze. It's not that big of a deal. He didn't want to aggravate the situation any more than it already was aggravated. It is completely understandable why he didn't step in. The only reason that James did was because he's an idiot. A daft idiot."

"You said James. You hardly ever call him that. Only on slips and then you correct yourself." Rebecca gasps, "you are beginning to like James Potter!"

"I would never ever like someone like James Potter! He's repulsive and ignorant and arrogant and just plain awful. It was an accident, a slip if you will." Lily reassures her friend, and herself, while pulling off her robes.

"Oh I don't get how you can think that. He's the best in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures and he's also pretty good at Astrology."

"But he's awful in everything else because he doesn't even bother to try. He puts in zero effort unless it is on the Quidditch pitch."

"Oh James Potter on a broom is the eighth wonder of the world," Lily's other roommate comments from her bed.

"Mary! I didn't see you there, please don't scare me like that."

"Sorry Lily. I was just reading up on the plays for this weekends game- the final one before Christmas break." Mary lowers her playbook and smiles at her redheaded friend. "James is going to be captain next year and, rumor has it, a prefect."

"No. Remus will be the prefect. Not James- I mean Potter. Potter flaunts the rules and frequently breaks them. He breaks a rule an average of 10 per week. How and why they haven't expelled him yet is a mystery to me." Lily rummages through her trunk, looking for what she wants to wear.

"I also heard that Remus is out of the running because he gets sick so often. It would make sense. You can't have a prefect who can't pull duty every night." Mary comments, cutting her friend off and ignoring her.

"I've always wondering why he gets sick so often. I wonder if it's a family trait. I've never met nor seen his family. Have either of you?"

"No. I haven't." Lily says, sick of hearing her roommates thoughts on the troublemakers.

"I haven't either and to me it's all rather suspicious. I wonder if he has candy or a potion that he takes that makes him ill so he can get out of class." Mary wonders aloud. "Wouldn't that be cool? Like a toffee you can chew that gets you sick? Just for a little while?"

"Remus wouldn't do that. He's too much of a goody-goody. Kind of like our Lily here. I mean, haven't you heard of jeans? They're the new fashion. Stop with the floral dresses Lily!" Rebecca urges her friend as she watches her pull a knee length floral dress over her head and onto her body.

"For your information, I like my floral dresses so you can take your opinion and go some where. I'm going for a walk. I'll see you two at dinner." Lily pulls on her shoes and walks down the stairs to the Common Room. She slips out the portrait hole past a gaggle of second year girls and makes her way down the stairwell then outside into the early evening air. Pulling out her wand, she does a warming spell on herself and her clothes, insuring that she'll stay warm. She also summons her coat and scarf from her room, pulling them on when they arrive.

Lily trudges through the freshly fallen snow, making her way to the boat house by the lake. At this time of year it was often deserted. For some strange reason, Severus wanted to meet there to discuss what happened that afternoon. _I will never, ever understand the male species. I'm going to trudge through snow to talk about something we could've talked about when he lead me to the Common room but no!_ Lily uses her wand to clear a path in front of her until she reaches the door to the boat house which she then yanks open.

"Oh, I'm glad you made it Lily. I was afraid that, with the snow and all, you wouldn't want to come. I've started a fire," Severus offers her a seat beside him as a small fire quietly crackles.

"Of course I was going to come Severus. I'm a friend and friends come when other friends ask them to or need them to." Lily sits down beside her friend and warms her hands, trying not to shiver too much. "Now, what happened today? I mean normally you're always willing to stand up for me but today, with the Slytherins, you just froze. Why?"

"They're my house mates Lily, they're.. They're like my family when I'm at Hogwarts. I can't just stand up to them. they're - they're family."Severus answers her question, looking down. He knew that he was wrong here but that was the truth.

"And I'm not? You've been my best friend since I was nine years old and suddenly these people that you supposedly can't stand are like your family? They come before me? Sev, I've always put you first. Always. When Potter teases you, I stand up for you. I've even pulled out my wand for you. So how are they like family? They tease you. They tease me! They called me mudblood! Do you stand with them?"

"They're my house mates Lily! I can't just put that aside any time you need someone to come rescue you." Lily stands up, her fists balling up.

"I need someone to come and rescue me? What about you! I always have to step in and rescue you when Potter gets going at you!" Severus stands up as well,scowling down at his friend.

"I don't need you to! I don't need you to come and rescue me! I never asked you to do that! I never asked you to stand up for me you little mud-!" Severus abruptly cuts himself off, his face paling even more than usual. Lily's eyes well up with tears.

"Go ahead. Go ahead and say it. Say it Severus!"

"No. Lily, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out. I'm sorry. Being around them at night, I hear chatter and some times it just-it gets caught in my head and-you know I'm not like that. You know that Lily." Lily fists the front of his robes, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Say it Severus! You know you want to! Go ahead! Tell me how filthy I am! Tell me how disgusting I am! Tell me how I smell! Tell me how ugly I am and how I don't deserve to be here! Go ahead! Tell me!" Lily shouts at him, sobbing into the front of his robes. She let every dark thoght she had come out in that moment. "Tell me how stupid I am! Tell me how you're better than me because of my blood! Go ahead!"

"Lily, I don't think that. You know that." Severus tries to put his arms around her to comfort her but she pushes him away.

"Don't you dare touch me Severus… You called me a mudblood… don't talk to me." Lily turns away from her once best friend and heads for the door.

"No! Lily wait! I'm so sorry! Lily!" Severus calls after her as she heads into the snow and wind but his voice is lost to her ears. All Lily can hear and feel are the names people call her and the despair she feels.

(AN: might not update as often. Just started my freshman year of college So… sorry in advance!)


	6. Chapter 5

Lily flees from her best friend, not really sure where she is going. She doesn't feel the cold winter's wind as she runs. The only cold she feels is from within. Over and over she hears her sister calling her a freak. Over and over she sees Nott's wand in her face, ready to hurt her for simply being a muggle born. And, the most painful of all, she hears Severus calling her a mudblood.

Lily's feet carry her across the Hogwarts grounds and finally stop once she is out of breath. She wipes the tears away from her face and looks around, realizing where her feet brought her. The Quidditch Pitch. Perplexed, Lily takes a few calming breaths, trying to think of a reason why her subconscious would bring her here. Then she hears it. James Potter's voice. _Of course he would be here this late at night._

"That's for Nott! That's for his pompous girlfriend! That's for Snape not protecting Lily!" Potter's words are punctuated with a series of grunts. Lily slowly creeps toward his voice, curious as to why he was grunting. Potter stands with his back to Lily, a muggle boxing bag in front of him. His hands are wrapped and in between words, he punches the bag. Lily watches and is shocked by the anger in his face. "That's for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! That's for his Death Eaters! His worshipers!" James let's out a volley of hits on the bags, grunting with each hit. Lily is shocked by the power he has and let's out a short involuntary gasp. James stops and turns around, his hand reaching for his wand. "Oh, hey Lily." He smiles slightly and runs his hand through his sweat filled hair. Lily quickly tries to straighten her hair, knowing that it is a mess.

"I-I'm sorry for interrupting, I just heard someone and was curious what was going on. I'll just leave now." Lily goes to turn around but stops when she feels a gentle hand on her forearm stopping her.

"You've been crying. What's wrong?" James asks, his voice filled with concern. _He doesn't really care. He's just an asshole who is trying to get in your pants._

"It's really none of your business Ja-Potter. So I'll be going now I think." Lily pulls her arm away, hugging herself for protection.

"Well if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a way to let out anger, just let me know. Muggle boxing helps me." James's shoulders sag as he tries not to pull her into his arms, knowing that that would not be appreciated.

"I'll-I'll be sure to keep that in mind thank you." Lily hurries from the room and back out into the cold. She stops outside the door and hears James sigh and return to boxing.

In the following days, Severus and Lily did not talk, even when they had a class together. As much as it pained Lily, she would not forgive him as quickly as she normally did. Not for that. Not a chance. So she went about her business. She sent the Christmas presents she had bought back home and made sure to keep up on her studies. Then it came time for the annual Slug Club Christmas party, an event she traditionally attended with Severus.

"Earth to Lily. Are you ok? You've been staring into the fire for ten minutes," Remus asks his redheaded friend, sitting next to her. Lily looks up and gives him a feeble smile.

"Yes I'm sorry. I must have zoned out. I've been lost in thought for quite some time now I guess. I was just thinking about Slughorn's Christmas party tomorrow. I normally attend it with Severus but we haven't really been speaking much lately so I haven't gotten the chance to really talk to him about it."

"Makes sense. I'm not going with anyone either. What about if, as friends, we go together?" Remus smiles at his friend, trying to cheer her up. He knew his friend was going through a tough time and he didn't want anyone to feel alone, especially not around the holidays.

"I think that that may just be the best idea I've heard of in a long time. Neither of us should have to go alone."

"No we shouldn't. I'll meet you at the bottom of the stairs at, say, seven?"

"Sounds wonderful. I'll make sure I'm ready by then."

"Great. Now I have to go and tell James I'm taking you. I don't think he'll be too pleased with that." Remus chuckles softly and walks off, leaving Lily to her thoughts again.

Lily couldn't help but let her smile drop. She knew that Remus knew something was wrong and knew that he was trying to make her feel better but it didn't matter. Lily felt alone. She didn't fit in in the muggle world and she didn't fit in in the wizarding world either. Yes she had a few friends like rebecca, Mary and Remus but they didn't get it. None of them had to deal with being trapped between two worlds. Rebecca was a pureblood and Mary was a half blood. Remus didn't say much about his family but it was clear that he didn't have any dark secrets to hide. He was just your average every day wizard. Lily was a muggle born which made her trapped between the two worlds. Lily was alone.

"So I heard what was going on over here. You're going to Slughorn's Christmas party with Remus?" Mary asks her friend, her eyes glittering mischievously.

"Yes I am. We're going as friends. Neither of us wanted to go alone." Lily shrugs it off and sits back into the soft couch cushions. "Why do you care?"

"Well that means that I can ask James out and you won't care."

"Why would I care if you ask James out?"

"Because it's clear you like him, even if you won't admit it to yourself or anyone else." Rebecca chimes in, sitting in the arm chair closest to the fire.

"I do not like James Potter. Like I've said before, he's repulsive and-"

"Yes yes, we know he's "repulsive"-"Rebecca says, grinning like the cheshire cat.

"And ignorant"-Mary continues, also grinning from ear to ear.

"And arrogant"-"Rebecca adds.

"And just plain awful" Mary and Rebecca complete together, grinning.

"Only someone who is trying to suppress their feelings would come up with a description that long to describe someone."Mary comments, giggling as Lily's face flushes.

"I do not like James Potter!" Lily shouts at her friends, causing everyone around them to look at them. Lily's face turns as red as her hair and she sinks deeper into the chair, wishing she could just disappear. "I do not like James Potter." She says quieter.

"Ah talking about me again love?" James smiles as he enters the common room and hears his name coming from Lily's lips. He saunters over to the girls, running a hand through his hair. "So Remus just told me that you two are going together to Slughorn's party."

"Yes we are, why do you care?" Lily inquires, sitting up and straightening her hair. Mary and Rebecca giggle as Sirius winks at the two of them, ever the player.

"Well I was going to ask you but I guess I'll just have to go with you next year. Oh well. I hope you'll save me a dance."

"I'll dance with you when pigs fly Potter."

"That can be arranged Evans." James grins and winks, walking off to his dormitory to plan.

Lily groans and sinks back into the couch cushions, "oh no what have I done?" Mary and Rebecca giggle like mad and tease their friend.

The night passes without incident and the next night arrives. Lily, along with Mary, gets ready for Slughorn's party. Rebecca had come down with the flu that morning so she was not going to go. The girls knew that she couldn't stand Slughorn's attention so she had probably just faked it as an excuse not to go. At precociously seven o'clock Lily descends the Gryffindor stairs and meets Remus.

"Wow Lily you look amazing." Remus compliments, slipping a white lily corsage on to her wrist. Lily blushes softly and smiles, having spent all day curling her hair and pinning it up then doing her make up. Her dress was a soft lilac color that complimented her pale complexion. It was knee length and was flattering for her body type.

"Thank you, it was a gift from my aunt last year. Shall we go?" Remus nods and offers his arm, leading her down the corridor and to Slughorn's party. When they arrive, they both gasp. A soft warm light emits from orbs on the ceiling and red, green and gold streams cover the ceilings and walls, giving the room the appearance of a large party tent. It was all beautiful. Champagne flowed from a fountain and trays floated through the throngs of people, stacked high with food and drinks. While there were many people, and many more to come, there was plenty of room for everyone. Soft orchestral music could be heard over the sound of people chattering and people could be seen waltzing on a small dance floor in the center of the room. Tables with ornate center pieces were spread throughout the room and Lily could just barely smell a hint of chocolate coming from the dessert table.

A table of warlocks was covered with a cloud of thick pipe smoke. A vampire watches the people from a corner, sipping from his own flask. There were all sorts of people from all over the world there. Slughorn could be seen, squeezing his body through the crowd to make his way over to Lily and Remus.

"Oh there you are! Fashionably late but you had me worried for a minute." Slughorn grins at his favorite student. "Come, come you must meet a few of my friends." Slughorn ushers her along and over to a small,stout, young man. "This is Eldred Worple. Eldred, this is Lily Evans, the bright young witch I've been telling you about, and Remus Lupin, another bright student of mine. Eldred graduated a few years ago, you probably don't remember him. He's working on a book about vampires. His friend is-well where is your friend Eldred?"

"Oh he's- stop that Sanguini! Here," Eldred shoves a pastry into the vampire's pale hands. "This is Sanguini. He's a vampire that I have befriended while working on my book. When it comes out, I can send you a copy. Both of you. For a discounted rate if you would like," Eldred offers the two young students.

"That sounds delightful, thank you sir." Lily smiles graciously at the young wizard. "Doesn't it Remus?" Remus stares up at the tall vampire, feeling uneasy about being near him.

"Huh? Oh, yes. It does." Remus smiles nervously, "does anyone want anything to drink? I'm feeling a little bit parched." Remus wanders off, trying to put as much distance between him and the vampire as possible.

"Sorry about him sir, he's not usually like this. I guess he's a bit overwhelmed." Lily smiles a little bit, trying to cover for her friend's out of character actions.

"He is rather young to be a werewolf is he not?" Sanguini asks, his voice low and gravely. Lily looks up at his face, frowning.

"He's not a werewolf sir. You must be mistaken."

"Oh no no, vampires know the smell of werewolves, they try to stay away from them. You'll read all about that in my book." Eldred says, smiling from ear to ear at the prospect of making money.

"Sir, Remus is a dear friend of mine. He would tell me if he was a werewolf. Please excuse me." Lily says curtly, walking away to find her friend. She greets several people that she knows and looks for him, eventually finding him hiding behind one of the see through curtains. She walks behind them and gently puts her hand on her friend's arm."Remus? What's wrong?"

"If-if I had known that one of those-those people were going to be here I never would've…" Remus's voice shakes ever so slightly as he tries to talk. He just knew that the vampire had known he was a werewolf and had probably told Lily. What would she think of him?

"The vampire isn't going to hurt you Remus. If he tries to, there's a couple aurors here and more than enough witches and wizards to stop him." Lily comforts her friend with her words and a kind smile.

"Thank you Lily. You're a good friend," Remus could see in her eyes that she knew but was shocked that she wasn't treating him any differently. "We should get back to the party. Slughorn no doubt wants to flaunt you some more." Remus let's Lily pass through the curtains first before he steps through them himself. The two friends meander around the party, making conversation with a few groups of people. Eventually they find themselves in a corner by themselves, just chatting about this and that.

"Hello Lily. You look beautiful tonight." Severus's voice cuts like a knife through their easy, friendly conversation. Lily looks over at her friend and smiles slightly. While she was still mad, it was the Christmas season, a time for forgiveness.

"Hello Severus. Thank you. You look very nice yourself."

"Thank you. Lupin," Severus acknowledges Remus with a short and curt nod. Remus's smile is cordial instead of being cold as most of Lily's friends smiles are when it comes to Severus.

"Hello Severus. I read your potions essay, it was very informative."

"Trying to cheat like all of your friends?" Severus accuses him, his defenses clearly up. Remus just laughs it off, shaking his head.

"Remus would never do that and it's rude of you to accuse him like that Sev." Lily admonishes her friend with a frown.

Severus looked down a little bit and apologizes to Remus,"I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend."

"No it's fine. I know that Peter often tries to cheat off of people. It's only natural that you assume his friends would be the same way." Remus assures him, seeing no reason to be rude.

"Excuse me everyone! I have something to say." The music cuts off and James Potter's voice flies above everyone else's, stopping the conversations. "Is there a miss Lily Evans here?"

"Oh no. Not now!"


	7. Chapter 6

"Oh no. Not now!" Lily tries to hide but since they had spoken to so many people it was difficult to hide because people began to look at her. Remus smiles down at her, feeling for his friend.

"There you are Lily!" James grins, spotting her from across the sea of people. "Now, you said that you would dance with me when pigs fly. So, as a show of my appreciation and love to you, I shall make pigs fly!" James waves his wand and mutters a spell, turning two of the tables into live pigs. He takes aim at the pigs and flicks his wrist, causing the pigs to fly into the air. Lily frowns and crosses her arms. The rest of the people in attendance found it amusing and charming, causing them to laugh and clap. James lowers the pigs back to the ground and turns them back into the tables they were. "So, Miss Lily Evans, may I have this dance?"

The crowd around Lily cheers and she blushes softly as someone pushes her toward James. Lily stumbles over her feet, trying to say that she doesn't want to dance with him. "Oh come now Lily, be a sport." Professor Slughorn urges, smiling at his favorite student. Lily blushes softly and puts her hand in James's outstretched hand.

"Potter, you will pay for this." Lily let's out through gritted teeth. "Your stunts do not amuse me." Lily says while getting into position, a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Oh come on Lily, don't be like that." James smiles and gently pulls her closer, getting into position and leading her through a simple waltz. "You have to admit, it was pretty clever."

"A first year can do a levitation charm. It's actually one of the first spells we ever learned so no, I'm not impressed by your cleverness. Or lack thereof."

"Yes but can a first year turn a table into pigs? No, I don't think that they can." James argues with her, leading her through the simple dance. Lily could feel everyone's eyes on her and she can't help but to shrink back from the attention slightly. She wanted to make sure her hair was in place but sadly there was no chance to do that.

"You are still a pompous brat, you know that right?"

"Oh come on, I haven't even stepped on your feet. Now can Snivellus do that? I don't think so?"

"You leave Severus out of this. He's still my friend."

"Really? Because you two haven't spoken much in the past couple of weeks. Don't think I haven't noticed Lily, everyone has. Lily, if he ever hurts you… I'm here for you." Lily couldn't help but hear the raw emotion in his voice. _He really does care._.

"Severus is still my best friend. Best friends fight most of the time. You and Sirius are an anomaly. You do realize that, right James?"

"You just called me James." James smiles brightly, dancing with her. Lily pulls away as the song ends, looking around nervously.

"A-a slip. That's all. An accident." Lily defends herself, "I have to go." Lily hurries away from James, blushing softly. She practically runs out of the room and into a new by court yard. Sitting down with a huff, Lily leans back onto the wall behind her. How could one dance end so bad? "I never should've given into that egotistical child. Ugh!"

"You certainly looked like you were enjoying yourself." Lily sits up at the sound of her best friend's voice.

"Simply for looks Sev. You know I can't stand Potter. Especially not after al of the crap he pulled with you. He's a pompous arse." Lily says, scooting to the side so her friend can join her. Severus ignores his friend's gesture, standing there. "Sev, what's happening to us? We promised ourselves that we wouldn't let the pressures of anything-school work, social life, anything- come between our friendship. Don't tell me that James Potter is coming between us."

"Maybe he is. Or maybe you've changed." Severus' face was unreadable.

"I've changed?! Never mind. Maybe you're right." Lily says as she stands up, "but Sev just because we change doesn't mean our friendship has to. You're my friend. You're my best friend. You've been with me since the very beginning. Since the start of it all." She takes his hands gently in hers, looking up at him. "Sev, I love you. I do. You're my most dear friend. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

"I don't want to lose you either Lily." Severus says, allowing her to hug him. Lily holds on to her friend for a moment, not wanting to let him go. "We should rejoin the party."

"I actually think that I'm just going to go up to Gryffindor Tower. I'm not much in the party mood after J-Potter and my dance. I mean, he practically bathed himself in cologne. Wanna walk there with me?"

"Sure," Severus agrees with a smile. Lily beams as she walks with her friend down the hall and up the stairs. "How did your essay go?"

"Alright I suppose. I got a high score but still, you beat me at it. I guess you always will when it comes to potions."

"I don't know, you could still beat me." Severus says with a grin, walking with her. "You just have to get a hundred and two on your next one to be tied with me and then the O.W.L.s will determine who really is the best."

"You're going to get a better score than me on the O.W.L.s because you don't have test anxiety when it comes to potions and I do." Lily argues with her friend, glad that it was a light hearted argument and not a full on argument. "Well, this is me. I'll see you tomorrow? Our usual Saturday morning meeting place?"

"That works for me, sleep well Lily." Severus departs, heading back toward the Snake pit as people often call the Slytherin Common Room.

"He's not good enough for you dear. Password?"

"Caput Draconis. And that's really none of your business. He's a good friend." Lily enters the common room and is immediately bombarded by questions from her two friends.

For the next half hour, Rebecca and Mary bombard Lily with questions about the party. Turns out, Mary and her date had left the party almost as soon as they had gotten there because her date was so afraid of Sanguini. At nine thirty, Lily manages to get away from her friends' clutches and go to the safety of their room. Once there she changes for bed, going over the events of the party in her head. She had left out the part where Sanguini accused Remus of being a werewolf. From all of her research she knew that most half breeds could tell if another half breed was present in a room so why would Remus not tell her about this? Or was the vampire simply lying? She had never thought that it was even possibly. Surely, she would know. They'd been friends since their first year. Granted they had never been super close but they still told each other things and confided in each other. _I'll just ask him tomorrow. I won't accuse him, I'll simply ask. If he is, I'll show support. If he's not, then so be it._ With that final thought, Lily allows herself to drift off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 7

Lily wakes up early, excited for the day. She had finally made up with her best friend and she was, hopefully, going to learn more about her other friend. It was also the day that her and the girls were going to exchange presents. She dresses quickly and brushes her teeth. Afterward, she descends the stair cases and waits for Severus at the bottom of the stairs.

After several minutes of waiting, Lily glances at her watch. _He's ten minutes late. Maybe he over slept?_ Lily chews on her bottom lip, not really sure what do think at that moment. _Don't panic. He just overslept. It is Monday after all and not everyone enjoys waking up early everyday._ Lily sits down on one of the benches, holding Severus's christmas present. She'd wrapped it days in advance, excited to give it to him.

"Hey Lily, I'm sorry I overslept." Severus smiles nervously as he approaches her. "Oh, what's that?"

"It is your Christmas present. I couldn't wait the three days to give it to you. So I'm giving it to you now. Here, open it." Lily urges him, practically bouncing up and down.

"Okay," severus peels back the wrapping and sees black cloth. Lily had gotten him a custom set of black wizarding robes. "Lily, thank you. They're.. Wow."

"Do you like them? They're a custom set so they'll fit you like a glove."

"I love them, thank you Lily." Severus smiles and hugs his friend, happy to see her so happy.

"Oh look what we have here everyone. It's a mudblood clinging to her half blood friend." Nott's voice interupts the two friends intament moment. Severus jumps back as if he had been burned and looked down, putting his new set of robes in his pocket. "Hello little mudblood. I see you don't have Potter here to protect you."

"I don't need Potter or anyone else to protect me. Especially not from the likes of you. Where are your friends, hm Nott?" Lily questions him, hand on her wand.

"Right behind you actually. See, this time. There won't be a chance to escape." Lily yelps in shock as she's grabbed by Crabb and Goyle. Nott grins, a sadistic glint in his eyes. "See, I don't like being bested by a filthy little, good for nothing mudblood."

"L-let me go Nott!"

"Silencio!" With a wave of his wand, Lily's demands and whimpers of pain are silenced. Nott grins, "take her into that classroom. Hurry up before someone sees!" Crabb and Goyle obey their friend, dragging Lily into the room. Lily kicks and tries to get free, her wand on the ground where they had grabbed her. "There's no use fighting Lily. We're purebloods. You know what that means? We're stronger than you in both physically strength and magical strength. So keep on fretting little girl. You won't get very far."

Lily whimpers, trying to fight off the spell that had been cast on her. Tears spring up in her eyes as the pain in her wrists from behind held down grows. Why was severus allowing this to happen? Where did he go? Crabb and Goyle hold her for Nott at the front of the classroom. Nott pulls off his outer robes, slowly approaching her.

"You see, filth, you disrespected me the other day. I don't like people who disrespect me very much. I really don't." Nott raises his hands and smacks Lily across the face. Lily gasps from the shock, the side of her face stinging. "That's for disrespecting me!" He slaps her again, grinning like a madman. "That's for being a little bi-"

"Mr. Nott! Mr. Goyle! Mr. Crabbe! Unhand this instant!" Professor McGonagall yells, whipping her wand out. "Finite!" She undoes the spell that silences Lily. The two boys immediately drop Lily's body on the ground. "Step away from her right now and put your wands on the table." The three boys comply and watch as their professor walks up to inspect Lily's sobbing body. "Oh there now child, it's alright." She keeps an eye on the boys as she helps Lily to a standing position. "Walk. Now."

The group makes their way out of the room, McGonagall snatchign up the boys wands as she walks. She passes the three boys off to another professor, helping Lily to the Hospital Wing. McGonagall lays her down in a cot to be checked over. The Marauders enter the room and immediately go to her side, Remus and James leading the way.

"Lily, are you okay?" Remus asks, concern dripping from his voice.

"Those bastards are going to pay for this!" Sirius promises.

"What did they do to you? Are you hurt? Your cheeks are bruising!" James points out.

"Boys! I'm sure she appreciates the concern but you really should give Madam Pomphrey the space she needs to check over Ms. Evans." McGonagall gently reminds them. The boys all take a few steps back, watching Lily carefully. Lily curls up into a ball,holding her cheek.

"Come now dear, we need to get you checked over," Madam Pomphrey pulls the curtains around her to give her some privacy.

"They didn't do anything except slap me and drag me into the room. I promise you that's all the boys did. I just need some salve for the bruising. Or a spell, if you have one." Lily sits up, tears drying on her face.

"Do you know why they did this?"

"I have no idea."

Madam Pomphrey sighs, knowing that she is lying but decides not to push. She summons the bruising salve and gently applies it to her wrists and cheeks. "There you are darling. If you need anything else, you just come and see me, ok? Professor McGonagall will have your wand." Lily thanks her and walks out from behind the curtains, waking over to Professor McGonagall.

"It's alright now dear. They're going to need to see you in Professor Dumbledore's office, ok? If you're not up for it, feel free to stay here."

"May I have my wand back please? I was told you have it." James pulls it out from his pocket, handing it to her.

"Actually, I had it. Im the one that saw it laying on the ground. I picked it up and then told Professor McGonagall what happened. I swear I'll kill those bastards Lily. I will."

"I don't need them killed. School mates are known to be mean to other school mates. Now if you'll excuse me, I should make my way to the headmaster's office." She puts her wand back where it belongs and walks upstairs, trying to make herself look presentable as she walks. _Where did Severus go? He was right there when it all started, when they grabbed me. Why didn't he say anything? Do anything?_


	9. Chapter 8

(So this is from James's point of view.. Trying something new. Sorry it's kind of short.)

"You did nothing! You're a coward!" James yells at the punching bag, letting a few punches fly. In his mind, he was pummeling Severus's face and not some cloth with padding. "You just let them take her! They could've killed her! Tortured her! Defiled her! Wiped her memories! And you did nothing! You sorry sack of crap!"

"Whoa there mate. Calm down. You look like someone just broke your broom." Sirius warns his friend, holding out a towel for him. "Mate, Lily is alright. She's a big girl, a survivor."

"But she shouldn't have ever been treated like that. Not by those scum. If Snape wasn't such a God blessed coward!" James shouts, punching the bag a few more times. Sirius sits down on one of the benches, knowing he won't be able to calm his friend this time.

"Not everyone has the same values when it comes to friendship as you and I do. Some people aren't prepared to do what's hard for a friend."

"Because they're cowards!"

"Or because he knew he couldn't win three against one. James, Snevillius can't even beat you in a duel. You really think he could take on three of them? Even if two of them are dunderheads?" Remus chimes in, sitting next to Sirius. "How long has he been at it?"

"Ever since Lily went to Professor Dumbledore's to give her side of the story." Sirius watches James land a few more punches on the bag. "I wonder if she'll tell the truth about what happened."

"You heard her tell Madam Pomphrey a lie. She won't tell Dumbledore what happened either. She just won't." James gets out, wiping off his forehead. "It just won't happen. I don't know why but she feels like she has to keep this all to herself, like she can't tell anyone what's going on and why Nott keeps giving her a hard time."

"Think we should go and tell? I mean it's obvious that she's been made a target by them." sirius offers, watching his friend carefully.

"No, Lily would never forgive us. I love the girl like a sister but she's proud. She'll want to keep this quiet." Remus shakes his head, "no. If we tell what's going on and why it's happening Lily will just get mad at us and then none of us will be able to be her friends."

"Which is why we just have to get back at those bastards in a sneaky way. Think we could put some hair loss potion into Nott's shampoo? He does favor his sandy blonde locks." James says, a sly grin coming to his face.  
"There's our boy. I think that sounds like an excellent idea. I'll buy it and you and Sirius can distract him while Peter switches out the bottles." Remus proposes.

"You're helping us plan a prank?" James grins, sharing it with Sirius.

"Guess we've finally rubbed off on you then." Sirius chuckles, putting a hand on Remus's shoulder.

"No, I just don't like people messing with my friends. Peter, are you up for it?"

"Of course, however I can help." Peter smiles, finally truly feeling like one of the Marauders.

"Alright, I'll order it tonight by school owl and then we'll do it friday night." Remus smiles at his friends, standing up. "Now come on before we miss lunch as well as breakfast."


	10. Chapter 9

(Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. It means so much and makes me want to continue writing it :-) I'm going to try to get up at least one chapter everyday, maybe two on Sundays. Thank you again for your support. It means the world to me! There is one that I would like to address, and not in a negative way I assure you! It said that I need to add a bit more detail, I'm guessing in reference to the way I don't really describe where they are. The reason I don't do this is so that way the reader can determine what their version of Hogwarts looked like. I don't want to dictate every single detail. If it's important that a place is detailed I'll certainly add detail. I will try to add a little more though. Thank you so much for the feedback and the favorites and the following! It means the world!)

"I told you Professor. I don't know why those boys did what they did. Perhaps it was to try and knock me down a few pegs so to speak? Maybe it was because they wanted to see how I would react? Maybe it's all a cruel prank? I don't know sir and that's the honest truth." Lily insists, staring into the blue eyes of Professor Albus Dumbledore. She tries not to figit, knowing that's a surefire sign of a liar.

"Are you one hundred percent certain Ms. Evans?" Professor Dumbledore asks once more, studying the girl in front of him very closely. "There can't be anything that you could think of, for sure, that these boys would have to corner you and treat you as they did?"

"Maybe because I'm from Gryffindor and we're playing them tomorrow? Sir, I truly can not tell you why they cornered me and did what they did to me." Lily makes sure to keep her voice steady and calm.

"Very well Ms. Evans, you may return to your day. If you think of any reason, let me know." Lily nods and promises that she will, rising from the chair. As she walks out she sees Nott's smug smirk. _He knew you wouldn't tell. It'll only cause more issues for you than it's worth and he knows that. He's exploiting that._ Lily calmly leaves the headmaster's room and descends the griffon stairwell. She makes her way downstairs to try and find her friend Severus. She needed to know why he didn't stand up for her, why he did nothing to stop the boys from dragging her away, why he did nothing.

Lily checks the Great Hall, the library, the potions classrooms and even the boathouse where Severus would sometimes go to think and for silence. He was nowhere to be found. This wasn't like him. Normally Lily could locate him pretty easily. She knows Severus like she knows herself. _Or you think you do._ Lily shakes away her doubts, walking around the castle and hoping to bump into him by chance. No such luck.

After an hour and a half of looking, Lily walks upstairs and to her bedroom. She climbs through the portrait hole and walks up into her bedroom. Tears spring to her eyes as she shuts the door, the events of the day hitting her.

She had been slapped, abused by three young men. She had been saved by one of the biggest jerks in Hogwarts. She had been abandoned by her supposed best friend. She had never felt more confused or abandoned in her entire life. Sobs rack through her body as she sits on her bed and hugs a pillow, letting her mind be free to make up all sorts of thoughts. Tears stain her shirt and the pillow as she sobs uncontrollably, feeling more alone than she had ever felt in her life. She couldn't go home as the train to London had already left. She didn't have anyone to celebrate it here with as Rebecca and Mary had both gone home to their families. She was truly alone in the world.

"Lily? Are you in here?" James gently calls from the bottom of the stairs, having seen her walk up to her room. She had seemed upset and he could hear the sound of crying through the wooden door and down the stairs. Sadly, he couldn't go up due to the charm the founders had put on the girl's dormitory staircase.

"Go away Potter!" Lily shouts at the door, feeling the lump in her throat grow. She didn't want to look at his smug face again. James looked down, going to the couch to sit with his friends.

"It was worth a shot mate." Sirius pats his friend on the shoulder supportively. "She'll be okay. She's strong. I'm sure she's up there studying or something."

Lily cries into her pillow, now getting angry. She was supposed to come to Hogwarts and have the most amazing time and be able to do magic and make friends and have Severus by her side. Not come to Hogwarts and have a halfway amazing time halfway horrendous time where she barely made friends and was slowly but surely losing her best friend because of other people. Lily's eyes dry and she stands up, deciding to put her feelings into her magic practice instead of wasting time on tears.

"Avis," Lily says in a clear voice, summoning birds. Taking aim at the wall, she clearly says "opungio." The birds obey the spell, slamming head first into the wall and disappearing. Lily wipes her face and opens up the charms book Severus had given her, wanting to try something new.

This was what Lily did for the remaining hours of the day. She transfigured her bed spread into a stack of towels then back into a bed spread then into a tea set. She then made streamers shoot from the tip of her wand to hang over the top of her bed to give the room a more festive feel. After that, she transfigured Mary's bed into a decorated Christmas tree. _Just because things haven't been going as well as I had hoped doesn't mean I get to mope around and do nothing with my life. I'm going to be the best dang witch these 'purebloods' have ever seen._ Lily promises herself, looking around her room.

Gone were the boring and messy four poster beds. Instead in their places stood two giant Christmas trees, fully decorated, and one fake ice skating rink with magical skating people on it, and one record player playing Christmas songs on repeat. Red and green streamers hung from the ceiling with magical snow appearing to fall from the ceiling but never actually touching the ground. Lily had created her own Christmas wonderland inside of her dormitory.

Lily throws herself down onto her bed, smiling slightly. She doesn't need Severus or Petunia or even friends to have a good Christmas holiday. Yes, she was alone, but why did she have to let her dark thoughts win? Especially when those dark thoughts were encouraged by people like Nott who made her feel awful about herself? No. Lily would have one of the best Christmas's the world had ever heard of and that was that. Did she want to cry? Yes. Would she? Probably. But in this moment, Lily was happy with herself-at least a little bit. She was willing to see how long this would last.

A knock at the door causes Lily to sit up from her laying position. "Come in!" She grants permission for the person to come in, a curious frown on her face. A small, chubby, first year slowly opens the door. "Can I help you?"

"Are you Lily Evans?" The little girl's voice is very timid and shy, practically shaking with fear.

"I am," Lily affirms, standing up from her bed and soothing down the red and gold duvet.

"There's a boy waiting for you outside the common room. He's from Slytherin." _Severus._ Lily thanks the girl and straightens her outfit, grabbing her wand and putting it where it belongs. She would face him with the courage of any Gryffindors before her. She walks down the stairs, her heart pounding in her chest. She didn't even stop to tell Potter and his friends that they were being too loud with their game of wizarding chess or tell the first years that a bezoar was found in the stomach of a goat, not the stomach of a sheep. Slowly, she opened the portrait hole, finding her best friend pacing back and forth on the landing.

"Can I help you Severus?" Lily tries to keep her voice light but she can feel the lump in her throat rising. She could faintly hear the sound of students chattering in the dining room from below.

"Lily! I wasn't sure you would come out. I wanted to make sure that you're okay. I mean, what Nott and those idiots did to you.. It wasn't okay." Severus nervously says, his hands fidgeting by his sides. He was wearing the robes Lily had gotten him.

"No it wasn't okay but you let it happen. You didn't even try to stand up for me Sev. How are we supposed to be best friends when you don't stand up for me? I always stand up for you. To anyone- Potter, other Gryffindors, Slytherins, anyone." Lily sighs, brushing her hair off of her forehead. "Why don't you stand up for me? I don't get it Sev."

"I'm sorry, it's just, they said if I ever stood up for you that they would hurt me and then hurt you twice as bad." Severus scratches his nose and glances off to the right. _He's lying._

"Sev, are you lying to me? You know how much I hate liars."

"I would never lie to you Lily. Listen, I've got to go right now but I'll see you later okay? We still good for our annual Christmas evening walk around the grounds?" Lily decides to let it go and nods in agreement. What else could she do without losing her friend? "Great, I'll see you then." He smiles triumphantly and makes his way down the cold, stone steps. Lily stands at the top of the stairs for a few moments, watching his black hair disappear as he goes lower and lower, before she says the password and walks into the common room once more.


	11. Chapter 10

Christmas comes and goes. The ice and snow slowly melt away until none of it remains. Spring time comes and Lily's mood lightens as her friends come back. Her and Severus aren't the same but she wasn't ready to give up on him yet. They help each other prepare for the O.W.L.s and support each other. Throughout all of the drama, Lily still couldn't forget what the vampire from Slughorn's party had said, what he had accused Remus of being.

Lily smiles and waves goodbye to Mary as the two girls part ways after their Potions class. She makes her way through the dank dungeon corridors, following Remus and his friends. "Remus? Can I talk to you for a minute?" She calls to him, smiling a little bit.

"Of course," Remus agrees and walks with her into a side corridor. Lily gently tugs him into an abandoned classroom, shutting the door behind them. "Is everything alright Lily? You're sort of acting strange." Lily notes his tired appearance, the dark circles under his eyes, and the fresh new scar on his neck.

"I have something to ask you, something that I hope you won't take offense to. I mean this in no certain way." Lily nervously walks up an aisle of dusty desks, chewing on her lip softly.

"Just ask Lily, whatever it is I know you come as a friend." Remus watches his friend stir up dust, nervously fiddling with his bag strap.

"I'm just going to come out and say it." Lily comments and takes a deep breath. "Areyouawerewolf?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Remus says, caught off guard. He had heard her but he was praying that he was wrong.

"Are you.. Are you a werewolf?" Lily stops walking and looked at him with her emerald eyes. Remus's heart skips a beat in fear.

"Where did you hear this?" Remus's bag thumps to the ground as he can't face the fact that this was actually happening. Lily immediately rushes to her friend, gently sitting him in a seat. "Who told you?"

"It was the vampire at Slughorn's party. He commented on it. I didn't believe him until I looked at the facts. Are you Remus?" Remus numbly nods, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to see the look of terror that was going to cross her face. "Okay, well now I know something new about you. I was scared that you were only an amazing wizard and friend." Remus slowly opens his eyes and looked up at her, daring to have a sliver of hope.

"You're not gonna tell anyone? You're not gonna go screaming in fear?"

"No, why should I? Remus, you're my friend. One of my best friends. I've known you for years and I'm guessing that this isn't a recent thing. Do you really think that I'm that shallow that I won't be friends with you because of something that isn't your fault? No way. You're still one of my best friends Remus." Remus smiles, relieved and hugs her tight.

"Thank you," Remus let's her go and stands from the stone bench. "Wanna come to lunch with me? I know James bugs you but… I don't, right?"

"True as that may be, I'm actually going to go for a short walk and study. The air should be helpful to practice my charms. I love living in an old castle but sometimes the stuffy air can be annoying." Lily picks up her bag and slings it over her shoulder, the strap practically screaming for help from the heavy load of textbooks and extra books.

"Alright, well I guess I'll see you in our next class." Remus waves to his friend and walks off in the direction of the Great Hall for lunch. Lily walks down the corridor, making her way outside. Her footsteps were the only sounds echoing off the stone walls. There was something peaceful about hogwarts when you were alone. It was very easy to get lost, true, but you could feel the history and the magic through the stone. It was one of the things that Lily loved most about Hogwarts.

"Lily?" Lily jumps out of her skin when she hears Severus's voice. She stops walking and looks at him, taking in his haggard appearance. His hair was even longer than usual and his skin appeared paler than usual in the dark lighting of the hallway. "Do you uh, want to go and practice Charms? We have that final test before the O.W.L.s in less than a month."

"Sure, I was actually just on my way to go outside and practice for the charms test and the transfiguration. It'll be good to practice alongside a friend." Lily waits for Severus to walk to her side before walking on. The two friends walk down the hallway, their footsteps echoing in sync with each other.

Students run two and fro, the younger ones watching the older students with awe as the older students demonstrate spells and charms for the younger students. The sun shines down on the students of Hogwarts, distracting them from the darkness on the horizon. At Hogwarts, students often forgot about the looming threat of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It wasn't until someone disappeared or a family member of a student got hurt that they remembered that they should be preparing to fight in a war.

The two students venture outside to the edge of the lake, setting their books down underneath a birch tree. Lily pulls out her wand, opening up her charms textbook. She flips through the bags, trying to pick a charm to practice. Severus looked through his book,t rying to find a charm to practice.

"What about the Summoning and banishing spells to start out with?" Lily suggests, looking up from her well worn book. Severus agrees and pulls out his wand. "I'll go first then." She takes a deep breath and sticks her wand out. "Accio Severus's backpack!" The bag zooms from the ground into her reach. Lily smiles happily, setting it on the ground. "Now you try."

Severus nods and clears his throat, takes aim and summons the bag to him. The bag resists at first but eventually comes to Severus. Lily smiles proudly and summons the bag again. She then banishes it back to Severus's side perfectly. Jealousy burns lowly in Severus as he has issues with the banishing charm. He shakes it off and tries the banishing charm. His brow furrows in concentration as he tries to a second time. Lily bites her lip, watching her friend struggle with the spell.

"Do you need help? I have a few tips you might like." Lily offers,just trying to help.

"No Lily. I can do this. I don't need help." Severus snaps, trying again. "Depulso!" He says in anger. The old backpack jumps into the air about ten feet and throws his books all over the grass. "Dang it!" Severus shouts, shoving his wand into his bag. He picks up the books, grumbling in frustration.

"It's alright. I can help you. Instead of using emotion this spell just needs intent-"

"I told you I don't need help Lily!" Severus snaps, snatching his potions book from her hands. Lily stumbles slightly, straightening up.

"I'm- I'm sorry I just wanted to help." Lily says, taken aback by his tone. Severus's shoulders sag in disappointment.

"Sorry for snapping. It's just frustrating not to be able to get a spell. Especially not when it comes so easily to you. And others."

"It's alright. We can practice it again. Just remember, intent not emotions." Lily reminds her friend, nodding for him to practice again. _He means it shouldn't come easily to you because you don't deserve magic. You're meant to be a muggle. You're a freak._


	12. Chapter 11

(AN: So this is going to be a short chapter. I'm sorry guys but I'm still adjusting to school. I have a three day weekend so I'll get a few chapters up then :) Hope you all have a wonderful week!)

Lily and Severus spend the rest of the afternoon out on the grass, practicing different charms and spells. Lily lays down on the grass, watching dark clouds roll in from the north, a strong wind accompanying excuses himself and walks inside the castle to do his final Transfiguration essay on dinner plates to mushrooms. Lily lays out on the grass, watching the dark clouds eat away at the blue sky.

Feeling raindrops on her skin, Lily gets up from the grass and walks inside. She stops in the corridor leading into the castle, listening to the steady rainfall on the roof over head. She watches as the summer rainstorm washes away the pollen on the flowers and ground. Days like this made her think of how fast things could change. Take her and Severus's friendship for example. Throughout the year they had fought tooth and nail one minute but then the next they were friends. It was crazy. She could go from being so mad at him to being calm around him. Some things never changed though. James Potter and Sirius Black were still the most egotistical idiots that they were back in first year, they'd just learned a few more spells to torment people with.

Lily smiles to herself and hugs her books to her chest, walking down the stone corridor. She knew that things had changed this year but she wasn't going to let that put her down and distract her from being top of her class across the board. Sure, it had hurt when Severus had gotten mad because she was able to do the spell but it was like he knew he shouldn't have been mad at her, deep down. It was crazy to her. He seemed almost jealous of her. His cheeks had been flushed and he was steamed, angry at her for no particular reason.

"Hey Lily," Remus smiles slightly, looking five years older than he was. Lily smiles at her friend, observing the way he limped slightly. _It was a full moon a few nights ago._

"Hey Remus, how do you feel?"

"I've felt better. Where are you headed?" Remus joins her, his bag slung across his shoulder.

"Library, you're welcome to join me if you'd like." Remus nods and walks with his friend, a faint smile on his face. He had wanted to distract her from the Great Hall and that was going swimmingly. As they walk past it, Remus tries to calmly pick up his steps but Lily stops when she hears loud complains and cries. "What in the world is going on here?" Lily looked around the Great Hall, seeing it's only the Slytherin's crying out.

It seemed like the Slytherin's pumpkin juice had been tampered with. Lily storms over to the cups and looked in them, finding pepper. It appeared that all of the Slytherin cups had been charmed to fill with pepper as well as pumpkin juice. Lily pours the pumpkin juice into a bowl and frowns when it refills with the same problem. She looked around and glares at the laughing Marauders.

Storming over she thrusts the cup into James's chest. "You did this. Reverse it. Now."

James grins, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry Evans, no can do. You see, it's their punishment." Sirius snickers, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.

"'Punishment'? For what? What did they do wrong? Surely the first years didn't hurt you. Or the second years?"

"Well, they're Slytherins. That's enough." James laughs and walks off with Sirius. Lily, with face as red as her hair, slams the cup on to the table and storms off. She was sick of their childish pranks on other people. They were fifteen, they should be more mature than this.

Lily resumes walking to the library, wishing that she could punish the Marauders. _No, Lily. That makes you as bad as them. You're not like them._ Shaking off her anger, she hunkers down for an afternoon of essay writing and potions study. There was only a few more weeks until the O.W.L.s and Lily was not going to let anything, or anyone, jeopardize her chances.


	13. Chapter 12

Finally the first week of the O.W.L.s arrived. It was finally time for the fifth years to test the knowledge and skills they had acquired over the past five years at Hogwarts. For some this was a cause of great anxiety and pressure, others remained calm, and still some took it upon themselves to not give a care in the world. Peter Pettigrew experienced anxiety; Lily, Severus and Remus remained calm and collected; Sirius and James did not have a care in the world and because of this they often interrupted Lily and Remus in their studies at night in the Common Room after curfew was called.

They had already made it through their Charms, Ancient Runes, and Herbology exams. Lily knew that she had done well on the Charms and Ancient Runes exams but was not one hundred percent sure hadn't missed a few questions on the Herbology exam as it was one of her weaker subjects. She wasn't going to dwell on it though. Tomorrow was the Defense Against the Dark Arts exam and there was no way she was going to let someone like James Potter beat her at that exam. Severus and her had spent all day after their Herbology exam studying for the next day. It was now late at night and Lily was curled up in her favorite arm chair in the Gryffindor Common Room, studying away.

Lily's green eyes glance up as a loud group of people walk through the door. She rolls her eyes when she sees it's only James and his band of merry female adorers. She returns to her book as James and Sirius sit down on the couch, spreading out like they own the Common Room. James pulls out his stolen snitch, letting it fly a little away from him before grabbing it and letting it go. It was one of his more annoying habits. Sirius sits back and twirls his wand, an arrogant aura surrounding him. Remus settles in the other arm chair by the couch and fireplace, pulling out his book and studying. Peter nervously follows behind and settles on the floor, staring adoringly up at James and his snitch, clapping whenever he caught it at just the right time.

Lily slams her book shut and walks away from the group. "Leaving so soon Evans? But we just got here!" James calls after her, grinning smugly.

"That's the problem. How anyone can study with you around I'll never understand." Lily glares at him before walking to her dormitory. She settles in on her bed, pulling the curtains closed around her to get some privacy. Lily spends the rest of the night reading, using her wand as a light to read by. Eventually, she lays down with her books by her side and goes to sleep.

The fifth year students shuffle into the Great Hall slowly, most of their nerves peaked. They sit in their assigned seats and wait, nervous silence hanging over the group. The first thing they had to do was take a written exam then, later in the day, they had a practical. None of them knew what to expect from the practical.

Lily sits down, keeping calm and making sure that she doesn't over react to anything her mind was telling her. She smiles weakly at Severus from her seat and looked front as Professor Flitwick steps to the front of the anxious fifth years. He goes over the rules then passes out the tests and quills with a flick of his wand. As soon as he says begin and the time starts, Lily picks up her quill and opens her test. She reads the first question and quickly answers it, moving on.

All around the Great Hall for the next two hours, students try to recall what they have been taught. Some remember it easily like James, Sirius, Severus and Lily. Some have a slightly harder time like Remus. Others seem hopeless like Peter. Regardless, the students all try their hardest to recall the information. As the sand trickles into the bottom of the hour glass, Severus picks up the pace. He had so much information to put down. James finishes early and draws a heart with LE + JP in it, grinning across to his best friend. Sirius leans back in his chair, giving his friend a thumbs up and a grin. Remus is pale and concentrated, putting down all the information he has in his brain on to the paper. Lily works at a good pace, not going too fast that they can't read but not going too slow to where there isn't much to read.

"Quills down! That means you too Stebbins!" Professor Flitwick announces, watching all the students carefully. "Please remain seated while I collect your parchment. Accio!" The parchments zoom toward him, knocking him down. A few of the students hurry to help their professor while other snicker at the short man. Flitwick thanks them and then dismisses the class. The students all hurry out, grateful to be able to stretch their legs and not worry about the written part anymore. Most head outside to relax for a while by the lake.

"So, what did you think of question ten Moony? 'Give five signs that identify a werewolf'." Sirius asks as they walk, grinning.

"I loved it." Moony replies, walking with purpose. Peter nervously chews on his finger nails, not sure how he did.

"Did you get all of the signs though? I know you were a little shaky on them last night." James asks with faux concern, laughing with his friends.

"I think I did. Let's see. One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin." Three of the friends dissolve into laughter while Peter frets that he missed some.

"I could only remember the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail." James laughs and rolls his eyes as they walk, calling him daft. The four friends settle beneath a birch tree.

"If I don't get at least an Outstanding, I'll be very surprised." Sirius points out as they all settle. James nods in agreement and pulls out a struggling snitch from his pocket. He let's it fly a little bit away from him before snatching it back into his hand. Peter watches, admiration clear on his face. Sirius settles beside his friend, leaning against the tree. Remus pulls out his Transfiguration book, studying for the following day. After five minutes, Padfoot says "put that away, will you, before Wormtail wets himself with excitement." James complies and sits back, now bored. "I'm bored."

"You could test me in Transfiguration." Remus offers his book to his friend but Sirius shakes his head.

"I don't need to look at that rubbish. I know it all."

"I've got something that will cheer you up." James offers with a grin, nudging Sirius. Severus had decided to walk back inside. The two stand up in tandem, both grinning. Peter and Remus don't move but Remus does put his book down and his brow furrows as he watches. Peter gets visibly excited again as he watches his heros. "All right, Snivellus?" James calls to their classmate.

Snape drops his bag and reaches for his wand but james pulls his wand out faster and disarms him, grinning. Sirius laughs and casts the Impediment Jinx which prevents Severus from getting his wand back. Some of the students watch with apprehension on their faces while others watch, entertained by it. Wormtail stands up to better view his heros. James glances at the girls by the Lake and winks before he and Sirius walk up to Snape. "How'd the exam go, Snivelly?"

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," Sirius sneers. "There'll be great grease marks al over it, they won't be able to read a word of it!" Several people laugh at this, watching with intrigue.

Snape struggles to stand up and pants out, "You-wait! You - wait". His face displays his open loathing for the two boys.

"Wait for what? What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?" Sirius taunts, cooly. Severus spits out a mix of swear words and hexes.

James coldly orders, "Wash out your mouth. Scourgify!" Pink soapy bubbles appear in Snape's mouth, making him gag. Lily storms over from the lake and James ruffles his hair instinctively.

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouts, glaring at the two boys.

"Alright, Evans?" James' tone of voice changes to a more pleasant one.

"Leave him alone," she repeats, glaring at James. "What's he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean.." The crowd around the scene laughs except for Remus and Lily.

"You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." Lily insists, trying to diffuse the situation.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on… go out with me and I'll neer lay a wand on old Snivelly again." James promises, grinning at her. The jinx on Snape is slowly starting to wear off, and he reaches for his wand.

"I woulnd't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." Lily says, malic in her voice.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius notes, and turns to Snape. "Oi!" It's too late, a flash of light causes a gash to appear on the side of James' face, blood splattering on his robes. Another flash of light has Snape hanging upside-down in the air, his robes falling over his head. Most of the crowd laughs and cheers. Lily almost smiles but catches herself in time.

"Let him down!" Lily yells again.

"Certainly." James jerks his wand which causes Snape to fall to the ground. Before he can do anything, Sirius uses the Body-Bind Curse on him. Lily pulls out her wand and points it at the two Maruaders.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." James pleads with her, not really wanting to hex her.

"Take the curse off him, then."James obeys her wishes with a heavy sigh. He looks at Snape.

"You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus." Severus glares up at him, anger running through his body.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily's blood runs cold and she blinks. "Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus."_ James, seemingly more affected by the insult than her and insists he apologize. "I don't want you to make him apologize! You're as bad as he is!" Lily shouts, glaring at the boy.

"What? I'd NEVER call you a - a - you-know-what!" James insists.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looked cool to look like you've just go off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." Lily turns and leaves, hugging herself.

"Lily! Lily! Wait!" James calls after her before turning to his friends. "What is it with her?"

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," Sirius offers helpfully. James is furious, trying to find someone to blame.

"Right. Right." James flicks his wand and in another flash of light, Snape is hanging upside-down once more. James grins at the helpless Slytherin. "Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"


	14. Chapter 13

Lily briskly walks to her room, ignoring everyone around her. Snape's voice echoes in her head, over and over she hears him call her those things. _Filthy. Mudblood._ Petunia's voice joins his. Echoing in her head. _Freak. Filthy. Mudblood. Freak._ Lily throws her bag down on the ground and throws herself on her bed, tears stinging her eyes. How could it all have gone south so quickly? How could Severus' feelings switch so fast? It made no sense to her. Why would he call her that? Him of all people knew how bad that word hurts her.

Tears slide down her cheeks as Lily sits alone on her bed, not wanting anyone to walk in. She prayed that her roommates were busy elsewhere. Sobs rack through her body, making it hard for her to breath. A lump forms in her throat so she isn't able to swallow. Lily let's all of her dark thoughts come to the forefront of her mind and consume her. Why would anyone say these things to someone? Don't they realize how damaging it is?

Lily cries to herself, hopelessness washing over her in waves. Everyone knew that she was a sham. Everyone knew she didn't deserve to go to Hogwarts. That she wasn't really a witch. Not really. Not according to books done by famous wizards. Not according to Voldemort. Not according to her best friend. That's what being a mudblood meant. That you were fake. That you were dirty.

Lily's sobs slowly die down, leaving her feeling more alone than ever. Her breathing eventually evens out and she manages to stop crying. She stands up, her knees weak and her body feeling drained. She finds her way to the bathroom and stands in the mirror, looking at her reflection. Her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks as dark as her hair, and her skin was over all blotchy. Waving her wand, she uses a beauty spell to get rid of the puffy eyes and redness. She pulls her hair up into a messy bun and takes a deep breath.

"Y-you are Lily J. Evans. You can d-do this. Sc-screw what they say." Lily tries to tell herself, her voice breaking and the lump forming in her throat again. She shakes her head and puts her wand in her pocket, focusing on the task again. _You can be upset during the summer but not right now. Right now you have a job to do._ Lily reminds herself. She grabs her bag and goes to the Common Room. It was time to cram before her practical exam. No way was she going to let this affect her grades. They could take a lot from her but no way was she going to let them take that.

The rest of the testing period passes in a blur and before Lily knows it it is the last day of school. Snape had come to say that he was sorry and ask for her forgiveness but Lily wasn't going to have it. He had call her a mud-blood. She would have prefered he just punched her in her gut. Lily had said something that she wasn't going to forgive him and put her disapproval of his friends out in the open and left him there in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.

Lily puts her final shirt in her trunk and shuts it, looking around her room one last time. Next year she could be a prefect and she would be one step closer to becoming a full fledged member of the magical community. She was one step closer to her dream. Mary smiles and bounces over to her red headed friend.

"Promise me you'll write this year. You never do." Mary begs, taking her friend's hands in her own. Lily smiles at her friend and nods, allowing her to pull her into a hug. "I'm going to miss you but next year you'll be a prefect."

"You don't know that for sure." Lily argues, blushing sheepishly. Mary and Rebecca both roll their eyes, knowing that their friend was a shoe in to become the Gryffindor female prefect.

"Oh please! You're a show in! Slughorn loves you, McGonagall loves you, Dumbledore adores you, and you're the top of our class. You'll get it for sure, no doubt about it." Rebecca chimes in, walking over to her friends. "Both of you have to write to me this summer. I'm being forced to go with my parents to the States."

"You'll be okay. Don't worry. I've heard the States can actually be quite fun. Bring me a picture of New York City will you? I've heard it's beautiful." Mary assures her friend, grabbing her trunk. "Now come on. It's time for the end of year feast."

"You two go on ahead, I'll catch up in a few minutes." Lily urges her friends, gathering up a few odds and ends. Lately, she did not have the energy to do much. She felt like losing Severus had also caused her to lose some of her energy. Normally it only took her a day to pack her things but this year it had taken her much longer. The year had been a struggle for her between Nott's bullying and harassment, her issues with Severus, finding out that Remus was a werewolf, and the general work of school. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Lily shuts her trunk and latches it closed, yanking it off of her bed. She sets it down on the ground with a heavy sigh and looked around. The room seemed to bare without Mary's posters of boy bands from the muggle world and Rebecca's quidditch poster of the Holyhead Harpies. Instead you could see the beat up wood walls and the scratches left by past students of Hogwarts that had stayed in that very room. Lily walks out and into the common room, just watching her fellow Gryffindors go about their business. A few of the students seemed upset at leaving, particularly the younger students who had never had to leave before. Lily wanders out and let's her feet guide her through the castle, not really thinking about where she was headed because she didn't have a particular place that she wanted to end up.

She wanders the halls, not feeling lost but not feeling whole or at home. She was lost but not in the castle, in her own thoughts. Looking back on her year, Lily couldn't help but wonder what next year would hold for her. She honestly hoped that it would not be as eventful as this one.

While Lily is happy that this year is over, she can't help but dread going home to her family. Her parents would want to hear all about Hogwarts and would listen intently as she talked about it while her older sister would despise her even more. It was an impossible task for Lily. Her parents would not stop until she caved in and told them every single detail, which would include lying to them because if Petunia found out that her and Severus are no longer friends then she would never shut up about how she was right. Once again she was trapped between two worlds. When would it end?


	15. Chapter 14

(AN:hey you guys :) If you're in the south of the US and are going to be expecting to be hit by Hurricane Irma, please try to be safe and prepared. My heart is with you and I'm helping with a supply drive at my school. You're in my thoughts! On another note, I apologize for not updating soon. I got crazy busy all of the sudden but I should be good for the next few days. I've noticed a few of you have asked/hoped that Lily forgive Severus. I did not do that because I am trying to stay as canon as possible up until their seventh year, as much as it kills me. I am a fan of Severus but that just adds to the story of why I feel she would be depressed, I promise you more news will be coming on their relationship. Thank you so much for your comments and messages. They mean so much to me! Without further ado here is chapter 14. Enjoy! Thank you for reading!)

"Lily! There you are! Oh it's so good to see you!" Lily's mom, Harriett, smiles as pulls her youngest daughter close. "Oh you got a little taller!" Lily smiles weakly as her mother crushes her ribs.

"Hello Mother. It's good to see you again as well. And I didn't get taller. My friend made me wear heels today."

"Well you look lovely darling." Mr. Evans comments as he pulls his daughter into a hug. "Petunia, say hello to your sister." Mr. Evans encourages his older daughter to greet her sister. Lily smiles at her sister, hope in her heart. Petunia turns up her nose at her sister, not glaring but her beady eyes piercing. Lily's bubble of hope quickly pops.

"Can we go now Father? I want to wash the stench of freak off of me as soon as possible." Petunia says, her voice laced with pure hatred. Lily clings to her trunk as much as possible, glancing around nervously. The last thing she needs right now is for a pure blood to over hear her sister berating her for being a freak. They would find some way to use it against her next year. She takes one last glance at the scarlett train with a heavy, longing sigh.

Their parents frown but say nothing, walking off of the platform through the brick wall. The two of them bombard Lily with questions so fast that she can not say anything in reply. After trying for a minute Lily simply gives up and walks with them to the car, allowing her father to drag her trunk beside him rather than her dragging it. The two sisters get in the back of their car and her father puts her trunk in the trunk of their car and their mother settles herself in the front seat. Lily touches her wand for mental and emotional strength, not able to not notice Petunia scooting as far away from her as possible.

Steven gets in the driver's seat and heads toward their home in Cokeworth. It was quite a drive from London to Cokeworth so Lily took the time to rest her mind and gather herself. _Only two short months until you can return to school Lily. Then all of this mess with Severus will be behind you and Petunia will only have a few more months before she can move out._ Lily holds onto her wand hopefully, knowing that while she can't use it outside of school she can hold on to what it stands for.

The small family drive for hours, taking many country roads before the river that runs through their town is in view. Lily perks up and watches the mill run,a feel of calm returning finally. When they finally pull into their driveway, Lily helps her father carry all of her things up to her room, returning them to their rightful place. Harrietta hovers and helps her daughter unpack her robes and things.

"So how was it this year darling? As wonderful as the past few," Harrietta asks after a couple of minutes.

"Yes Mother, it was wonderful. I'll tell you more at dinner. I'm quit hungry." Truthfully, she still had yet to come up with a lie that would fool her parents.

"Oh right! You have had a busy day and I'm guessing that they don't really feed you lunch on the train. I'll go and get started on dinner. I'll send Petunia up to help you with your unpacking." Harrietta hurries out of the room.

"No Mother that's quite alright, I don't really need help," Lily insists but her words are ignored by her mother. Petunia huffs from the hallway and walks in, scowling at her sister as though she had forced her to walk in. "Hello Tunia. I'm sorry but I truthfully don't need your help, unless you want to help me that is."

"Why would I ever want to help you? So I can hear about your wonderful time at your school for freaks?" Lily's hands shake ever so slightly as she re-folds a shirt.

"It's not a school for freaks Tunia. It's a school for witches and wizards. It has taught me so much. So much more than primary school in the muggle world did." Lily argues, trying to keep her tone as gentle and light as possible. Tunia scoffs and crosses her arms across her chest, "besides you did not seem to think that when you wrote Professor Dumbledore five years ago to try and get in."

"How dare you! I would never! I was foolish and young!" Petunia stomps her foot on the ground and storms off to her room. Lily sits down on her bed, hugging her robes to her chest. She could still faintly smell the scent of potions class, faintly feel the breeze off of the Great Lake, and hear the lectures of her professors. If only she could make Petunia understand that she was special and different and how that was alright.

Lily continues to unpack until she hears her mother call for her from the kitchen. She walks down the stairs and into the kitchen, putting on her best smile. While the food at Hogwarts is beyond compare, Lily couldn't help but sometimes miss the cooking of her own mother. She sits down in her usual seat, thanking her mother for her soup.

"Your sister has requested to eat dinner in her room. I guess she's tired from driving all way to London and back this morning." Lily looked into her soup, knowing that it is because of her her sister does not want to eat with the family. "Oh cheer up love. At least you're home now. Your father and I were thinking of having a barbeque, what do you think?"

"Oh no Mother, that's quite alright. If you don't mind I would like to go on a walk tomorrow, just around. Maybe stop by a store or something, just to window shop." Lily smiles slightly, looking up from her soup.

"Of course, you and Petunia can go together. Oh, Petunia. Did you change your mind?" Lily and her father both look toward the door to see Petunia standing there.

"Yes, I want to hear all about my sister's time at her _school_." Lily can hear the sarcasm and loathing dripping from her sister's voice. Their parents do not pick up on it however, instead choosing to believe that their eldest daughter was making an earnest effort to take an interest in her younger sister. Petunia sits down across from her sister, her dark eyes beading into Lily's light eyes.

"Yes, Lily. You did not say much in the car. Please, tell us. How was Hogwarts?" Steven urges his daughter to talk about her school.

"Oh it was lovely Father, lots of exams and extra stress- nothing I could not handle however." Lily takes a sip of her soup, smiling slightly. "You see, we had our first set of major exams this year. They are called the Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations also known as O.W.L.s. There is a written exam and a practical exam."

"And how did you do?" Harrietta asks her daughter with a smile.

"I won't know until approximately mid summer. The results will come by owl." Petunia scoffs and mumbles something into her soup. Lily tries to ignore her, "we also had a good quidditch season."

"Quidditch, remind me what that is again darling." Steven smiles and eats his soup.

"It is a little bit like muggle football. Except it is played on broomsticks. There are 7 players- one keeper, one seeker, three chasers, and two beaters. The keeper guards the goal posts. The chasers try and score with the quaffle. The beaters attempt to hit a ball toward the opposing team's chasers to knock them off of their course. The seeker tries to catch the snitch worth 150 points to end the game." Lily explains, finishing off her soup.

"Oh that sounds interesting. I would love to attend a game. Who is on the teams?" Harietta says with a smile, standing to get the next course.

"Well each house has their own team. The captain gets to pick who is on the team. It is typically a sixth or seventh year." Lily helps her mother serve the main course.

"And who is your captain?" Steven asks, curious. He is very interested in all sorts of sports.

"Well he was a seventh year this year but it was Sean Wood. He played keeper. So that means this coming year he will have to be replaced by either a rising seventh year or a rising sixth year." Petunia scoffs into her food, once again going unnoticed by her parents.

"And how is the food there? Still amazing?" Harrietta asks with a smile, sitting down in her seat and serving herself.

"It is but nothing can compare to your food Mother."

"It seems you like the food at Hogwarts quit a lot sister. You're getting rather round around the middle aren't you?" Petunia cruely says, smirking when she sees the glint of pain in her sister's eyes.

"Petunia. Your sister is a growing girl. Tell her about that young man you met the other day." Harrietta suggests.

"Oh yes. I met a man the other day. His name is Vernon Dursley. He works at a drill company. He is not very high in the company yet but one day he is planning to be at the top." Petunia smiles, her nose going even higher in the air. "We have been writing to each other. You know, in the normal way. He seems quite keen on me. We agree on many things."

"Well I'm very happy for you sister. Maybe some day soon I could meet this Vernon?"

"Absolutely not! I won't have him exposed to your… your abnormalities!" petunia stands up in indignation.

"Petunia! Sit down right this instant!" Steven commands his daughter, scowling.

"Actually Father I no longer feel well. May I please be excused?" Petunia glares down at her sister.

"Of course Petunia. Please clear your plate." Harrietta says with a sigh, no longer sure what to do with their daughter. Petunia drops her plate in the sink and walks up to her room. Lily stares down at her food, her hand once again shaking.

"May I please be excused as well mother? I need to unpack the rest of my books." harrietta agrees and watches as her daughter follows her sister up the stairs. She looked across at her husband and shakes her head.

"What are we going to do? They can't keep fighting like this."

"It'll be alright love. Siblings scrap all the time. It is nothing to worry yourself with. I assure you." Steven assures his worrisome wife, continuing to eat his meal.

Lily walks up to the bathroom and shuts the door, locking it. She takes a few deep breaths and looked in the mirror, examining her reflection. Petunia wasn't the first girl to tell Lily that she is getting bigger around the middle. At school she could often hide her body underneath her robes but there was no chance to do that once she was home. Muggle clothing sits rather tight against one's skin. She lifts her skirt and feels the smooth skin of her stomach, noticing how stretchy it is as well. _Maybe it's time to go on a diet. Like the muggle girls in the magazines do sometimes. It certainly can't hurt anything._

Right then and there Lily vows to go on a diet and start exercising. She did not want to give Petunia anymore chances to make fun of her. Lowering her shirt, Lily walks to her room and unpacks her textbooks, setting them on her shelf. It was going to be a long summer.


	16. Chapter 15

The next morning was uneventful but that was all Lily wanted. Harrietta woke up early enough to make breakfast for her husband and do the dishes from dinner the night before. Lily woke up early to do her hair and pick out the perfect dress for her day out. After finally deciding that she was presentable and normal enough looking, she walks down the stairs and into the kitchen, a smile on her face.

"Good morning Mum! The biscuits smell amazing," Lily compliments and takes her seat at the table, pouring herself some of the orange juice.

"Thank you darling. You certainly seem to be in a happier mood than you were last night when you went to bed." Harrietta comments with a smile, putting the biscuits in a serving dish.

"I've decided to look on the bright side of things." Lily gets herself a small bowl of fruit and eats away. "May I still go on that walk today? Or do you need help around the house?"

"No, no. You go on. Petunia will join you. Won't you darling?" Harrietta asks as she sees her eldest walk in from the garden. While Petunia took care of the plants, she also enjoyed spying on the neighbors.

"What? I will do no such thing!" Petunia argues before her mother gives her a look. "Very well. I will go with her. But I want some money to go."

"Of course! Your sister needs some new clothes anyway." Harrietta reaches into her bag, pulling out her wallet and hands her daughters some muggle money. Lily smiles happily and eats her fruit.

"Will you be ready to go in a few minutes Petunia?" Lily inquires, taking in the dirt on her sister's hands and face.

"Yes. Give me a few minutes." Petunia huffs, walking up to her room to clean up. Lily waits patiently at the bottom of the stairs, fiddling with her wand. She couldn't use it unless there was an attack but she still thought it wise to carry it. Death Eaters were still a common, even all the way out in the country. "Alright, let's go." Petunia walks right past her sister and out into the street. Lily quickly follows behind, scrambling to catch up with her older sister.

"So, how was school for you?"

"Listen, I don't want to talk with you so when we get to town I'm meeting my friends and you are going shopping on your own. I can't be seen with you. Got it?" Petunia's tone is curt and full of frustration. We will meet at the end of our street to walk home together at 4:30 on the dot." Lily agrees and let's her sister walk off and do her own thing. She walks to the clothing store and browses through the outfits available. She couldn't help but feel awful that her sister couldn't even be seen with her, regardless of people here not knowing her secret.

After browsing for a few hours and trying on different things, Lily finally settles on what she wants and pays for it. Thanking the lady, she walks out of the store and down the street. The bell tower in the center of town reveals it to be two o'clock. Since she still had two and a half hours before she was to meet Petunia, Lily settles on going to lunch. A light salad would be nice.

Lily walks into a diner and sits down in a booth by herself, looking over the menu. Her mother had given her more than enough money to buy herself clothes and food. She orders and sits there, observing people while sipping her water and waiting. Many of the people were people she had gone to primary school with. Some of them were now footballers and some had now dropped out of school and instead chose to go the way of working in the job industry. They were all so happy looking, so free of secrets. It made Lily envious.

When she had gotten her letter, she had been so relieved. Finally there was an explanation to the things she could do and it was not Severus making fun of her or being her imaginary friend, as Petunia often tried to make her sister believe. Hogwarts seemed like the one place on earth that Lily could fit in. She was so hopeful. She had tried to tell her friends but Severus had warned her not to, telling her that they wouldn't understand and he was right. They did not need to know. They would never again be friends the way they were throughout primary school. It seemed neither would Petunia and Lily.

"Isn't that your sister Petunia?" Lily looked up as she hears her sister's name. She sees Petunia among her so called friends. There was Susan Dunbee, a tall and thin girl with little ambition, Winifred Cox, a shorter and more plump girl than her friends, and Maria Jenkins, a plain and bird like girl. They were all crowded behind Petunia, as though they were followers of her.

"Yes it is Winifred. Mother made me bring her out of the house. She just got back from her academy you see." Petunia walks past her sister, nose in the air as if everything is beneath her.

"Oh. Where did you say she goes again?" Maria inquires, watching Lily as she passes.

"I don't remember. Mother and Father don't like to talk about it. She's sort of the shame in the family you see." Petunia takes a seat at the bar, clearly the leader of her gang.

"Well I can see why. Mummy says that anyone with red hair is bad news and should be kept away." Susan says, laughing a little bit. Petunia and her friends sit down at a table, laughing and carrying on at Lily's expense. Lily sits facing away from them and toward the door, poking at her salad.

The next two hours pass with the gaggle of girls making fun of her and Lily eating her salad. Lily pays for her food and goes walks out into the street, heading home. It takes about thirty minutes to get to the end of their street. Lily waits there for Petunia to join her. She taps her foot and sits there with a sigh. It wasn't like Petunia to be late.

Finally, Petunia walks past her sister as if she can't even see her, heading to the house. Lily trips over her own feet to catch up with her sister. The two girls walk in the house, each going their separate ways. Lily huffs in frustration and takes the tags off of the things she bought. It seemed like her and her sister would never again get along.


	17. Chapter 16

The first month passes through summer quite easily and without any real instances. Lily watches the news as more people go missing and always keeps a lookout for any news. She makes sure to keep in touch with Mary, Rebecca, and Remus and eagerly awaits the news of her O.W.L. results. It wasn't like this was a small thing. The amount of O.W.L.s you receive determines your entire future after all.

Lily bounds down the stairs much like she had been doing since she got to the house and sits at the table. "Good morning Mum," she greets her mother as she slices a grapefruit in half.

"Good morning darling. Oh it's seems another owl is coming through." Lily leaps from her seat and looked out the window to see a tawny owl carrying a letter.

"That's not just any owl Mum! That's a school owl! It's my results and my supply lists!" She eagerly opens the window and smiles, "hello there beautiful owl. Thank you for the letters." Lily feeds the owl a couple of treats and pets it, watching it fly out the window. She sits down at the table and takes a deep breath. The moment of truth had finally arrived.

Slowly, Lily tears open the official seal and unfolds the paper, reading the top of the paper aloud, "Dear Miss Lily Evans, please find enclosed a copy of your Ordinary Wizarding Level Examination grades. We would like to congratulate you on aall your efforts throughout the academic year and on completing your O.W.L.s with clearance from Anti-Cheating Quills. We hope that you have received the grades you require for your preferred subjects at N.E.W.T. level. Your subject professors will tell you if you are allowed to continue in the subjects upon arrival back to Hogwarts. Your Head of House will meet with you during your first week to discuss your options. Yours truly, Griselda Marchbanks." Lily sets that paper to the side and looks at her results page, her hands shaking.

"It's alright darling, whatever you got we're proud of you." Harrietta insists, not looking over her daughter's shoulders. Lily takes a deep breath and looks at it.

"I got six O's! Six!" Lily jumps up and down, grinning from ear to ear. "Potions, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, History of Magic, and Arithmancy! I can't believe it! Oh this is amazing! I got E's in Herbology, Astronomy, Ancient Runes, and Care of Magical Creatures! Oh! This is amazing!" Lily hugs her mum, smiling from ear to ear. It was even better than she could imagine.

"There's another letter here darling. We're so proud of you." Steven says, pride beaming off of his face. He may not know what the O's and E's stand for but he knows they're more than passing grades. Steven passes lily the other letter, feeling something slightly heavy in it. Well heavy for a letter anyway. "I wonder what that could be."

Lily gently rips the seal off and pulls out the first letter and unfolds it. "'Dear Miss Evans, we are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a prefect for Gryffindor House. your school record shows that you have exhibited quick thinking in stressful situation, the ability to leads others, and the bravery that Gryffindors have long been lauded for. We are certain that you will continue to be a model for your peers and take your new responsibilities seriously. enclosed please find your Prefect Badge which should be worn on your school robes at all times. Congratulations. Sincerely Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House.' I can't believe this! I'm a prefect!"

Once again, lily's parents shower her in praise. They knew their baby girl was special and would do wonderful things at Hogwarts. To see it come true was amazing for them. They couldn't be prouder if they tried to be. Harrietta kisses her head and promises that that night they were going to have a celebration. They'd invite a close family of their friends and make something up. Steven kisses his daughter's forehead and promises to return home with a surprise before leaving for work.

Lily bounces around the kitchen table, hugging her badge and test results to her chest. "Oh! Petunia dear! Your sister passed all of her exams with flying colors and she gets to be a prefect!" Harrietta praises her youngest daughter as her eldest daughter walks in. "Isn't it wonderful? We're going to have a get together tonight and your father is bringing home a special surprise."

Petunia frowns and grabs a glass of water, "I should be getting a call from that office job in London today so I will be answering all of the phone calls that come through today." She finishes her glass and sets it in the sink. Lily's joy is slightly squished by her sister's reaction. For her this was a really good thing and petunia just had to squash it with something else and completely ignoring it.

"Very well, Petunia but you are coming to the party tonight." Harrietta insists while preparing a simple fruit salad. Petunia huffs but doesn't argue, returning to her room. Lily walks up to her room and sets her letters and badge with her other Hogwarts things. This was her chance to show the world that she could be more than they all thought she could be. So much more. She sits down at her desk and begins to write a letter to her friends about her results.

 _Dear Mary/Rebecca,_

 _I got my O.W.L. results back today and I got six O's in Potions, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, History of Magic and Arithmancy. I received E's in Herbology, Astronomy, and Ancient Runes, and Care of Magical Creatures. I also received the prefect badge. I hope that you both received the results that you wanted and I suppose you were right on me getting prefect. I hope that you don't gloat too much. I'm curious as to who the male prefect is._

 _Enjoy the rest of your summer,_

 _Lily_

 _P.S. What day are you two going to get your school supplies? I figured we could all meet up and go together._

Lily finishes writing her letters and sends them off with her owl. She was so happy about her results and hoped that her friend did not take what she said as gloating. She had simply wanted to share her results. Lily watches as her bird flies off, tempted to call it back to her in. _No Lily. They're your friends they'll understand your intentions._ She sits back in her desk and relaxes. It was going to be fine. She had to convince herself of that.

"Lily! Come help me with the food for tonight!" Lily smiles and jumps up, going to the kitchen. "What do you want to eat dear?"

"Anything that's easy Mum." Lily smiles and helps her mother. She wouldn't let her sister ruin her happy mood. No way in heck would she let that happen. She was proud of herself and that's all that matters.


	18. Chapter 17

Lily and her parents celebrate with their friends the Johnsons. It was fairly easy to come up with an excuse to celebrate their youngest daughter. The Johnsons thought that she went to a small, private, early university in the countryside of Scotland. The Evans had said that Lily had achieved high marks and had become a prefect or a student leader within the school. The Johnsons, being very gullible people, took their word for it. Steven had returned halfway through their little celebration.

"Alright my little lily flower, I promised you a surprise so here it is. Close your eyes." Steven says, excitement rolling off of him. He and Harrietta had talked about the surprise over a lunchtime phone call. Lily does as her father instructs, holding out her hands when her mother told her to. Steven places the surprise carefully in her hands, "alright open your eyes."

Lily opens her eyes and stares at the medium sized box in her hands. She slowly opens it and looked inside to find a small orange kitten, "oh my word! You got me a cat! Oh Daddy! She's precious!" Lily gingerly takes her out of the box and pets her. "Hello there little one. How are you? Oh aren't you beautiful? Oh Daddy thank you!" Lily gently pets her new friend. She had always wanted a cat but her parents always thought that she would have more use of an owl during school, which proved to be true.

"We know that you've wanted one for a long time now but we thought that it would make a nice surprise and now that you're old enough to really take care of one." Steven smiles and hugs his daughter, kissing her on her forehead. "I'm so proud of you my lily flower."

"Thank you Daddy. I'll name her… what do you think I should name her Julia?"

Julia thinks for a moment, trying to come up with the perfect name. "Pauline! After Pauline Collins, the actress." Lily nods in agreement and smiles, deciding that was perfect.

"I'll call her Paw for short. It's perfect. What do you think? Does that sound good? Pauline Evans?" Lily asks the small orange purr machine, "I think that she likes it. Let's go take her inside and show her around." Lily and Julia excuse themselves as they show the small kitten around the house.

"What is that?" Petunia asks from by the phone. She'd been waiting for the call all day long but nothing had come through yet.

"It's my new cat. Daddy and Mum got it for me for making high marks and being a prefect at school. Isn't she beautiful? Do you want to hold her?" Lily offers her the cat, being careful to hold her properly.

Petunia sneers in disgust, "why would I ever want to hold something of yours? Get that thing out of here." She turns her nose away and the two younger girls walk away.

"Mummy says that siblings are supposed to love each other. Why do you and your sister fight?" Julia looked up, curiosity in her big blue eyes.

"Well, we do love each other but sometimes siblings fight. It's a natural thing and it's really nothing out of the ordinary but I think that sometimes Petunia is jealous of me. You see her and I don't go to the same school. Petunia really wanted to get in with me but the school said that she had already passed the deadline and she couldn't. Do you understand?" Julia thinks for a minute before knocking and showing Paw the pictures on the coffee table.

The next couple of days go by without a hitch. Slowly but surely Pauline becomes a part of the Evans daily lives. To them it no longer became unusual to wake up with her pawing softly around your room or begging for food at the kitchen table. Lily was nervous that she would get too attached to the house and would not be able to safely make the transition to life at Hogwarts. Lily tells her parents her concern but they quickly reassure her that she has no reason to worry. Steven had gone into the magical world, with some help from a ministry official, and had gotten the cat from a magical shop.

Finally the day comes to meet with her friends to get their school supplies. Her and her parents drive into London. Petunia had finally heard back from the job. She was going to move to London the day after Lily was to go back to Hogwarts. Her parents were nervous. Petunia had just turned eighteen, they weren't sure how she was going to do on her own but they were accepting of her choices. Lily and her parents walk through the magical barrier and into Diagon Alley.

"They said they'll meet us outside Gringotts," Lily reminds her parents and leads the way through the crowd. It always amazed Lily how packed the street was but how it did not feel like it was ever over crowded. The family makes their way down the cobblestone street and into the grand doors of Gringotts Wizard Bank. They go to the muggle money exchange counter and exchange plenty of money to get what they need. "Alright I've made a list of all of the things that I need for the year to include books and robes. I was thinking that you two could go get the books and my friends and I could head to get the robes?"

"That sounds easy enough. Here give us the list and we'll go there. We'll meet you at the ice cream shop down the street for an afternoon treat?" Lily agrees with her mother's idea and takes the money her parents hand her. She hurries over to her friends, giving them each a hug. Mary and Rebecca chat eagerly as the girls all make their way into Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. The girls each tell the woman why they are there then stand on the pedestals.

"So how is your cat adjusting? I know you said you were nervous in your last letter." Mary asks as she is fitted for her robes.

"She's adjusting just fine. I just worry that Hogwarts will be too much for her little heart to handle when it comes time. I have to get a cage for her today. Daddy forgot one when he bought her."

"And how is your sister reacting to everything? Has she been a real witch since you got home?" Rebecca asks. The girls knew that Lily's sister doesn't like witches and wizards but Lily often left out how that made her feel.

"Oh she's just been her usual self. Telling rumors about me and ignoring my accomplishments. She's very eager to move out in a week, actually the day after we go to Hogwarts." Lily tries to shrug it off without actually shrugging.

The girls finish and purchase their new robes before making their way over to the ice cream parlor. Lily orders her favorite- Earl Grey and Lavender. Her parents order simple things and so do her friends. Lily's parents pay for it all and then sit down in the outside seating area. It was the perfect day so far.

After ice cream, Lily and her friends head to go and get a few odds and ends such as new quills and ink, new owl treats, and new potion ingredients. By the time they finish and meet back up with their parents in the Leaky Cauldron, they are all tired and ready to go home for a good night's rest. The girls all hug goodbye and Lily and her parents cram all of her new school belongings into the trunk of their car.

The drive home is full of excited talk from Lily's parents and daydreams from Lily. She did not know what the school year held. She did not know how the other Gryffindor prefect was- God forbid it was James Potter! - but she was excited to find out. She only had six more days before she was to return to her second home and she couldn't have been more excited or more ready to.


	19. Chapter 18

(AN:Sorry for the short chapter guys!)

The next week passed quickly. There was not much for Lily to do around the house except to pack and that's what she did. Her and Petunia were both packing but both for very different reasons. Lily was packing to continue her education and return to a place she loves and knows while Petunia was packing for her new life in the unknown. She would no longer have her parents breathing down her neck or her sister to be overshadowed by. Instead Petunia would be working in London at a desk job with a new man in her life, even if he hardly knows she exists.

It was the eve before Lily was to return to Hogwarts and two days before Petunia was going to leave the house. Harrietta and Steven had decided to sit the girls down and have a nice family night of bonding. Lily was all for it because she did not know when she would see her sister again but Petunia was taking her time packing and repacking her boxes. Lily had double checked to make sure she has everything she needs earlier that afternoon and was now helping her mother with dinner.

"So are you excited? Nervous?" Harrietta asks, cutting up vegetables for an appetizer. She had prepared the main course earlier in the day, pork pies which were Petunia's favorite.

"I'm a little bit nervous but very excited. I can't decide which one I'm more of." Lily smiles and lays the plates out on the table for dinner. Carefully she lays the utensils out, taking care to make sure they're straight.

"Well that's perfectly normal darling. You're going to amazing, I can already tell. I'm so proud of you and your sister. You're both so determined and motivated. It's more than a mother could ask for." Harrietta gently kisses her daughter's temple and lays out the appetizer. "I can't believe you're already going back to school tomorrow. And your sister is moving in two days!"

"Oh, Mum. It's alright." Lily gently hugs her mother, knowing that this all seemed to happen so fast to her but to Lily it had been the longest summer yet. With her diet,keeping up with her studies, and trying to reconcile with her sister it had all been jam packed and slightly stressful but she had enjoyed it. She had lost the weight she had wanted to lose and then some. The goal was to keep it off during Hogwarts.

"You're alright, aren't you darling? You look thinner these days," Harrietta gently cups her daughter's cheek and looked into her eyes. Lily nods and touches her mother's hand with her own.

"Of course Mum. It must just be the tan I got from Diagon Alley is all," Lily pulls back a little, feeling a pang of joy. Her weight loss was noticeable! Yes! In her head, she did a little happy dance. It was working!

"Alright. I packed a lunch for you for on the train tomorrow. I hope you'll eat it. Petunia! Dinner time darling!" Harrietta calls from the bottom of the stairs, silently praying that her eldest daughter would actually come down for once.

"I'll be done when I'm done Mum! Go ahead and start without me!" Petunia answers.

"No! You'll come down right this instant! Come on it's your sister's last night here. We are having a nice family meal." Harrietta orders, fed up with her daughter's actions. She was acting like a child. It wasn't anyone's fault that she had not gone to Hogwarts like she wanted and that she did not have magic.

"She refusing to come down again?" Steven hangs up his work jacket and kisses his wife's cheek. He heaves a sigh and shakes his head, not really sure what to do. Even after all these years his daughters still confused him. "Let's just eat. It's not worth the fight to get her to come downstairs to eat." Harrietta huffs and walks to the kitchen, throwing herself into her seat. Lily gives her parents a small smile, unsure of what she can do to make this situation better. _It's all you fault she's being like this. She hates you, not them._ Lily closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to push those thoughts down so she doesn't feel them anymore. "Well don't you look beautiful darling?" Steven compliments and kisses his daughter's head before taking his own seat.

"Thank you Daddy," Lily beams and serves the appetizers. The pies still had a little bit of time to cook and Lily was not going to eat them anyway. One of the parts of her diet was no meat except for one night a week and she had already had her meat for the week.

The three Evans eat the appetizer and make casual, familiar conversation. Lily gets her own main course from the fridge and chats with her parents as she picks at it and they eat their pieces of pork pie. Petunia takes her dinner up to her bedroom, claiming to still have a lot of packing to do. Lily excuses herself and goes to bed, fighting her demons until sleep overtakes her.


	20. Chapter 19

(AN: please feel free to check out my one shot Harmony story! Thanks guys! If you guys have any other pairings you want to see written out, please send me a private message. Thanks for the support!)

"Hurry Daddy! We'll never make it in time!" Lily rushes through the crowds of muggles in the train station, trying to make it to platforms nine and ten. "Daddy! Come on!" Lily so wanted to use magic to levitate her trunk over the crowd of people but she was still technically not at school so she couldn't.

"Relax Lily, we still have an hour before the train leaves." Harrietta says breathlessly, following behind her daughter. Her and Steven follow their daughter to the platforms. Lily stops in front of the barrier and looked around to make sure no muggles are looking at her or taking notice of what she is about to do.

"I'll take the trolley." Lily grasps the trolley and, together with her parents, walks through the brick wall and onto platform nine and three quarters. A smile blossoms on lily's face as they walk through the crowd of people. She sees students and parents she recognizes and some that are obviously new. "I should help the first years know where to go."

"Oh well don't you dare not say goodbye to me." Harrietta frowns, not sure why her daughter is so excited to get away from her. Lily turns to her parents and gives them her best smile, hugging them in turn. "We love you Lily. we're both so proud of you and we know your sister is too. We'll be sure to give her the flower like you want us to. Be sure you eat darling. I know you're probably nervous about your higher level classes but you're going to do just fine darling."

"Yes Mum," Lily nods and kisses her cheek.

"And make sure that those boys mind their own business and don't mess with you. If they do anything you don't like, make sure they know never to do it again." Steven hugs his daughter one more time. "Oh and make sure you feed that cat of yours. She is going to be very stressed these next few days."

"I will." Lily smiles at Paw through the bars of her cage, happy that she was still asleep. She wasn't sure how her cat would react to being around all of these people. "Well I will see you two when summer rolls around. I love you. I'll write you as soon as I can."

"Alright darling. We love you. And feel free to come home for Christmas. Please just consider it. We love you." Harrietta hugs her daughter to her and kisses her cheek. She couldn't help but notice how her bones were sticking out even more than they did at the beginning of the summer.

"I will. I love you both so much. Please give Tunia my best tomorrow. Remind her how much I love her, please." Lily pleads with her parents, feeling guilty that she can't be there for her sister tomorrow.

"We will. Oh this is from her by the way." Steven pulls out an envelope and hands it to his daughter. "She said to open it on the train. We're sure that, even though she doesn't show it, she's proud of you and wants you to visit her in London at some point. Alright, we'll let you get on the train now. I think we've held you back for long enough."

Lily hugs her parents before carrying her trunk, backpack full of books, cat carrier, and the letter from her sister onto the train. She finds a compartment to herself and sets her stuff where it belongs. After that, Lily walks out onto the platform and helps the first years and second years find the perfect places to sit and helps them with any questions they may have. It was hard to believe that five short years ago Lily had been the same way. She and Severus had been so young, so naive to believe that they would not be split apart by the politics of Hogwarts.

After about forty minutes, Lily returns to her compartment and sits down. She opens up Paw's cage and let's her cat out to stretch her legs. "Hello there beautiful. I hope you had a good nap because the train is about to get moving. Are you as nervous as I am?" Lily asks her purring cat, holding her close to her chest and petting her with her other hand. She looks out the window as the train lurches and starts off down the tracks to Hogwarts.

Lily settles in, sitting cross legged on the seat with her cat next to her and a book open on her lap. As she reads, she listens to the train chug along the tracks and the dull roar of people chatting away excitedly. The train held a certain amount of excitement and apprehension. Some students were discussing their OWL results while some were playing wizard card games. Many first years huddled together, watching as the older students wandered along the train corridor and displayed their magic. Friends exchange stories of their summer travels or plans while others simply saved their energy and tales, instead choosing to take a nap.

Lily looks up from her book when she hears a knock at her door, smiling when she sees her friends and waves them in. Rebecca and Mary carry their stuff through the door and settle across from their redheaded friend. Rebecca immediately coaxes Paw over to her, cooing and petting the spoiled cat. Mary and Lily smile but roll their eyes. Paw, always one for a good rub down, purrs louder than ever and rubs against Rebecca's leg.

"It appears that she likes you."

"She does doesn't she?" Rebecca smiled at her friend and pets Paw. "Oh she's so precious! You weren't kidding when you said she is beautiful." Lily thanks her friends and relaxes in her seat, happy that her friends joined her. "So how does it feel to be a prefect?"

"It feels fine, I guess. I don't know. I have a meeting with the other prefects in about an hour. I'm very excited." Lily fiddles with her prefect pin and sighs happily, listening to the chug of the train fill the silence between her and her friends. A knock at the door disturbs the girls' comfortable silence and causes all of the girls to look up from their personal tasks. Lily can't help but frown as she sees James Potter and his friends. She waves them in and sits back. "Can we help you, boys?"

"Yes, well sort of. We wanted to apologize. For last year and the years before. We know what we were doing was uncalled for. We realize that we were massive jerks and that what we were doing was completely uncalled for." James shifts his weight and runs a hand through his hair, not sure what to say. His words and honesty shocks Lily to the core and she sits up a little straighter.

"Yeah, James and I thought a lot about this during this summer. We were real jerks and we're sorry. We know we can't make up for it but… Yeah." Sirius adds in, also shifting his weight and glancing at his friend.

"Oh and congratulations on getting prefect Lily. I got it as well," Remus shows her his badge and smiles, pleased that he would be working alongside his friend. Lily smiles slightly, not really sure what to do in this situation.

"Um, thank you for your apologies and congratulations to you as well, Remus. Would you like to join us?" Lily offers, not really sure what else to say.

"No, thank you though. We just wanted to stop by and say that. Well I guess we'll be seeing you around. Have a nice rest of the trip ladies." James walks off, his other friends following behind him. Peter makes sure that the door is shut before scurrying after his friends. The three girls look at each other, two grinning and one completely perplexed.

"Well I guess this year is just going to be full of surprises!" Mary sits back with a grin, very pleased with the event that just took place. Lily numbly nods, pushing down her slight, tiny attraction to James's new maturity.


	21. Chapter 20

After another forty minutes Lily dresses in her robes, excuses herself from her friends and walks to the front of the train to the prefect meeting. She waves to the people she knows as she walks through the corridor, feeling the train ever so slightly swaying underneath her feet. Carefully, she takes a seat around the table in the middle of the room and can't help but smile. It felt good to be there. She'd been dreaming about it since she first came to Hogwarts, sitting among the prefects. Remus sits next to Lily and greets his friend. The two fall into an easy and friendly conversation as the rest of the prefects slowly trickle in.

"Alright, now that everyone is here we can begin this very first meeting." The Head Girl stands at the front of the table, her Head Girl badge shining proudly on her robes. The Head Girl was Rachel Bridenstine, a Hufflepuff, and the Head Boy was Chadwick Boot, a Ravenclaw. The two were known to have been interested in each other but it had never been confirmed they were dating.

Chadwick goes on to explain the Prefect schedule and how the patrols worked. He also explains the rules and responsibilities of being a Prefect. Rachel adds in when Chadwick forgets certain things and tells them the password to the Prefect bathroom, warning them that they will be punished if it is shared in anyway. The two of them dismiss the Prefects, giving each of them a carriage of the train to patrol. Remus and Lily are paired together and chat happily as they walk to their carriage.

"So, what was with James and Sirius's apology? Were they being serious?" Lily casually asks, trying to make her tone aloof, as if she didn't care.

"It was. Something happened this summer and Sirius spent the summer with James and his family. I can't tell you what happened but it changed the both of them. They aren't going to pull as many pranks and won't be as big of jerks as they were these past few years. Now, I can't promise they won't be mean to Snape." Remus answers, walking with her.

"I don't care if they're mean to that back stabbing fool. I can't believe that he became a Prefect! I mean, he's the exact opposite of what we should be promoting at Hogwarts."

"Yeah, James isn't too happy about that but he'll live with it." Remus and Lily continue to patrol is a comfortable silence. Once their shift is over, they each go their own way and return to their cabin and to their friends. Lily settles into her spot and holds Paw close to her, smiling as she purrs.

As the sun disappears behind the hills, Hogwarts comes into view. It felt as if everyone on board the train, especially the first years, were leaning to get a look. They each knew that they were just a few short minutes away from their home away from home. As the train pulls into the station and comes to a stop, Lily puts Paw back in her cage and grabs her backpack. She is one of the first ones to exit the train, helping the first years find where they are going. After the first years are in the boats and headed out across the lake, Lily hurries to hop in the last carriage with her fellow prefects.

"Oh look, Evans is joining us. Are you sure that you can fit?" The Slytherin prefect, a blonde girl, sneers at Lily as she climbs in. _you lost weight this summer, you don't need to listen to her._ Lily tries to tell herself and ignore the girl, setting in on the opposite side of the carriage. "Oh I think I felt the carriage dip. Perhaps we need more people on this side so we don't flip."

"I think that we will be fine, thank you." Remus cuts the girl off before she can go on even longer about Lily's weight. He gives his friend a soft smile as the carriage gives a lurch and heads toward the castle.

"You see my mother would never, ever let me do any of those muggle diets. Oh no, we only use all magical weight remedies. Mother says that if a girl isn't as slim as a wand then she is wrong. I personally don't like to eat in the mornings or after six o'clock. See those are what my mother's healer says to do to keep the weight off. Unfortunately, some of us are just predisposed to gain weight faster than others." The girl continues, talking loudly so Lily can't drown her out. "Sometimes Mother even makes me throw up the food that I've eaten if I don't fit into robes. It is not pleasant but it is necessary."

As soon as the carriage stops, Lily jumps out of the carriage and walks into the castle. She hurries to her usual seat by Mary and Rebecca and greets her friends as she sits. The Sorting Ceremony begins and Lily watches as the nervous first years walk up the aisle between the Gryffindor table and the Hufflepuff table. She tries to give them encouraging smiles as she watches them gather at the front of the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall pulls out the list of students and calls the first person up.

The sorting goes by smoothly and Gryffindor gets eight new member with Slytherin getting seven, Ravenclaw getting ten and Hufflepuff getting nine. Everyone ahhs as the food appears on the table and conversation immediately breaks out as people dig into the fine meal. Lily mostly eats the lightest food possible, pushing meat and other things around on her plate, taking one bite every few seconds and continuing to chew on the food for as long as possible. It was easy not to eat because she had her friends there to distract her from all of the different foods she wanted to try.

"Lily? Could you please pass the potatoes?" James asks after a few minutes. Lily nods and passes him the bowl, jumping slightly when their fingertips brush. _He doesn't really like you. He just wants to use you. He's a jerk, remember? One apology does not a new man make._ Lily shakes off her goosebumps and returns to talking to her friends.

As the meal comes to an end and dessert is served, Dumbledore stands up and makes a short but simple address to the students. After they are dismissed, Lily stands up and calls for the first years to follow her and Remus. The eight wide eyed newly minted Gryffindors follow her and Remus up to the top of the stair case. Lily and Remus make sure to brief them and give them tips on surviving Hogwarts.

"And here is the entrance to our common room if you'll follow me through. You must remember the password. This year, for the time being, it is 'Flibbertigibbet'. If you forget it, you will not be granted entrance into the Common Room and could be stuck outside the entire night until someone else comes along to grant you entrance." Lily leads the way into the Common Room and stops at the bottom of the stair wells. "The staircase to my right leads to the girl's dormitories. The staircase to my left leads to the boy's dormitories. The Common Room is open at all hours but we do ask that you keep your voices down if it is late at night, particularly when it is near finals, OWLs, and NEWTs time. All of your things will be found on your bed in your dormitory. If you need anything, you only need find one of us or one of the other prefects. Goodnight, rest well."

The first years scramble up the stairs and to their new rooms, all chattering quietly. Lily sits down in her favorite arm chair as her fellow students, other than the first years, meander in from dinner. She stares into the fire, unable to get rid of the dark thoughts in her head. After about ten minutes, Lily heads up to her bedroom and gets ready for bed. As she lays in her bed, she can't help but to think about what the Slytherin Prefect had said. _Could that really be the answer I'm looking for though? That seems awfully dangerous._

Lily battles with herself as she hears her dormitory mates settle into bed and go to sleep. Deciding to try it, Lily slides out of her four poster bed and lights her wand. She heads toward the bathroom, silent as a mouse. After locking the door, Lily grabs her toothbrush. All she had to do was activate her gag reflex. _Should be easy enough, right?_ Lily opens the toilet and kneels in front of it. _On three.. One.. two.. Three…_

Lily's dormitory mates do not stir as the sounds of Lily's drastic measures are drowned out by their snores and the crackle of the fire in the hearth. If only one of them had heard the sobs that came forth from her body as she did so. If only one of them could have stopped her.


	22. Chapter 21

(AN: can anyone else not believe that we're on chapter 21? Seriously? This seems so long! Thank you for those of you who have been with me since the beginning and who have commented and messaged. As I've said before, if you have any ships that you want to see me write for please send me a message. I'm more than happy to do that, especially if you have a specific storyline you like. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!)

In the following weeks, Lily continues to commit her dirty secret late at night after her dorm mates are asleep. She makes sure that she leaves no trace and even branches to doing it in the middle of the day when her dorm mates are out and about. Lily makes sure that she drinks lots of water and keep up the other parts of her diet - no meat except for once a week, salads, and a miniature breakfast. As the first week of November rolls around, Lily accompanies her friends to the Quidditch pitch to watch the Gryffindor team practice.

The three girls settle high in the stands and pull their robes tighter around them as the wind whips them in the face. Lily watches as James Potter runs through the chaser drills with his fellow chasers. Her friends clap and cheer as James makes a particularly hard score. A light rose color blossoms across Lily's cheeks as James pauses for a second to look at where the sound is coming from and waves.

"Hello ladies. Do you mind if we join you?" Sirius politely asks, standing with Remus and Peter. The girls all nod and make room for them on the bench. "I'm surprised that they're practicing at all. Did you notice that Jordan isn't here?" Tyler Jordan is the Gryffindor Seeker and he was known for missing practices. "Well, it would appear that he pissed off James so he's on probation."

"Wait, James actually made captain?" Rebecca says, not bothering to hide the shock in her voice.

"Yes, he did. Always the tone of surprise Rebecca. We're guessing it's why he didn't get prefect." Sirius teases her with a grin.

"Or maybe it's because of all the pranks you and your mates like to pull." Lily points out, watching James fly elegantly. "So who is playing seeker this weekend?"

"James will be but he wanted to run the drills in case he found a replacement. I offered to step in but he knows that the Slytherins would not play exactly fair against me and he doesn't want me hurt. So he's brought in Bell to play in his place and he'll play seeker. He's been practicing late at night with me all this week." Sirius explains and points out Bell on the field. Bell was only a third year but he had already shown promise on the pitch. "Oh see here he goes, releasing the snitch."

The group watches as James flies to the ground and releases the snitch from its box. James focuses in on it and let's it fly for about twenty seconds before mounting his broom and darting after it. He zooms through the air, dodging his fellow players and the bludgers, following the snitch. Lily inches toward the front of her seat, chewing her bottom lip in anticipation. As James dives for it, Lily grips her seat and slowly stands up, watching him dive. At the last second, he pulls up and holds the snitch in the air for all to see. Lily slumps back in her chair, relief flooding her system.

"So are you ready for patrol tonight Lily?" Remus questions her after a few minutes. Lily nods and she gives him a tight smile. "After this I'm going to take a nap to get ready. I did not… sleep well the other night." By that, he meant that it had been a full moon so it had taken everything out of him.

"Yeah and he kept us up at night as well." Sirius jokes with a playful shoulder nudge to his friend. "Moaning and groaning about not being able to sleep keeps the rest of us up as well mate!" Rebecca and Mary giggle, clearly both trying to get Sirius' attention and affection. Lily rolls her eyes and returns to watching the players on the field.

"Oh, looks like they're finished for the day." Mary points out as the players all land in a circle on the field. Peter hurries down to the pitch to tell James how amazing he is and Sirius follows his friend down with Mary and Rebecca following eagerly behind him. Lily stands up and grips the seat in front of her as her vision goes black and fuzzy for a minute.

"Whoa, Lily are you alright?" Remus's voice cuts through the darkness as the pitch comes back into clear view. Lily nods and shakes her head.

"I must have stood up too fast, that's all. No big deal."

"Have you been feeling alright? I didn't really see you eat much today." Remus helps his friend down the stairs and onto the pitch.

"Yeah, just been a little under the weather but I'm alright. In fact, my mum sent me to school with a thing of food so I've been eating that before it goes back." Lily lies and feels a stab to her heart and her pride. _I'll make it up to him. He wouldn't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. He'd probably tell Madam Pomphrey and cause a big commotion which is not something that I need. No this is better._

"Oh, did she send a package or something?" Remus questions as the two walk out on to the grass. Lily simply nods, once again seeing spots as she walks. She shakes it off and puts on her best smile, walking up to her friends and the Marauders.

"Good practice James." Lily compliments as she approaches, carefully folding her hands in front of her.

"Thank you. Well I should go and shower and officially dismiss the team, feel free to wait here?" James, without waiting for a response, jogs into the team dressing rooms. Sirius, Peter and the girls walk to the castle without a care in the world. Remus soon followers them after realizing the time. If he was going to get a nap, he wanted to get it within the next hour. Lily waits for James, telling the team that they did good as they leave the changing rooms in groups of two or three. By the time James reemerges, the sun has set behind the castle, bathing the entire grounds in an early evening light. "Oh, you actually waited. I didn't expect you two."

"Well, Remus and I were talking but he wants to take a nap before we have patrol tonight. I can go if you want me to." Lily stands up as James walks over.

"No! No. That's not what I meant at all. It's a pleasant surprise. I just have to carry the balls back into the room. Want to help me?" Lily nods and follows him over to the chest. She tosses him the quaffle when he asks for it and smiles slightly. "Have you ever flown before? I mean other than our flying lessons during first year?"

"No, I haven't really had the chance to. I enjoyed the lesson but I thought that it wasn't worth continuing since I didn't understand quidditch, being from a muggle family. I just thought I wouldn't have made the team plus... Well it sounds silly now but Snape didn't want me to spend any more time around you than I needed to and, to be honest, I didn't want to spend much time around you either."

"Yeah, I was sort of a prick," James agrees and shuts the chest, locking it. He picks it up and heads toward the storage shed. "You know, if you ever want to fly again you can borrow my broom."

"I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, it's been five years since I last climbed on a broom." Lily admits with a small blush, watching him carry the heavy chest with ease.

"Well maybe I can help you. It shouldn't be too hard considering you've already done it once before." James offers, setting the crate in the storage closet. He shuts it and locks it, muttering a spell that locks it. He grabs his broom from off the ground and looks at Lily, a small grin on his face. "All aboard!"

"What are you going on about?"

"Come on. Flying lessons. I'll even do them for free. Friend to friend. You're not the first person I've helped. I helped Sirius this summer and a few more kids around Godric's Hollow. Come on, it'll be fun. Plus no one is out here to see you if you mess up." Lily chews her bottom lip, considering it. She grips the broom and slides on to it. "Do you mind if I hop on behind you? It's easier to help you that way." Lily gives him permission and he climbs on behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist to grip the broom. "Alright give the ground a sharp kick whenever you're ready."

Lily takes a deep breath and kicks off the ground, shooting into the air. Lily gasps and squeals softly. James helps her level out and brings them a little closer to the ground, just in case. He explains in a gentle and teacher like tone that she has to trust herself and the broom. She can't just trust herself. The two fly around the pitch a few times, staying close to the ground. He shows her how to do wide turns and raise and lower the broom by herself.

After thirty minutes of flying around together, the two of them land and climb off the broom. Lily soothes her wild hair down again as James puts his broom safely in his locker, using a similar spell to lock it away. The two walk toward the castle together, each smiling and lost in their own thoughts.

"Well I hope that that wasn't a horrible experience. You are quite good, especially for not having flown in the past five years." James compliments as he holds the door open for her. "If you ever want to have another lesson, feel free to ask. I'm almost always free except for quidditch practice and games."

"I might just take you up on that offer. Well, I suppose you're hungry. I should let you join your friends." Lily hugs herself as the two of them walk into the Great Hall together. She automatically feels Severus staring and glaring at the two of them. _He's not your friend anymore. He doesn't control you. You can be friends with whoever you want to be friends with._ "Oh, I just remembered, I have to return a book to a Ravenclaw. I'll see you later." Without waiting for a reply, Lily runs off toward the Gryffindor common room. She says the password and walks up to her room. _Doing this instead of eating will help me lose this last half stone._ With that on her mind, Lily purges her body of her small lunch.

"Lily? Lily are you alright in there?" Mary calls, "James said that you ran off suddenly and wanted me to make sure you're alright." Lily, her heart racing, flushes the toilet and sags against the door, making sure it's locked. She quickly swishes water around in her mouth and spits into the sink.

"I'm alright! I just didn't feel well all of the sudden. I think I'm fine now. Thank you though." Lily answers back, trying to calm her heart. She grabs her tooth brush and runs it underneath the water, quickly brushing her teeth.

"Do you want me to fetch Madam Pomphrey or help you to the Hospital Wing?" Mary offers, right outside the door. Lily spits quietly into the sink and washes her hands.

"No, that's not really necessary. I think I'm fine now." Lily unlocks the door and walks out, trying to keep her face away from her friend's view. "Really Mary, go downstairs and eat. I'll be there in just a little bit. I have to find this book I borrowed from a Ravenclaw the other day." Mary watches her friend, noting her strange actions.

"Are you sure Lily? I mean, this isn't the first time that you've suddenly run off at meal time. Are you sure that you're alright?"

"Yes, Mary I'm fine. I appreciate the concern but truly I'm fine. I'm as fit as I've ever been. I just haven't felt well all day. I'm better now. You go on to dinner, I'll join you in just a minute."

"If you insist," Mary creeps toward the door, watching her friend. She wasn't the only one who had noticed Lily had been acting strange. Sure in the classroom she was performing as well as ever but outside the classroom she would act weird. Giving up, Mary leaves the room. Lily allows her body to drop on to the bed as soon as Mary leaves. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm the shaking. _Is this really worth it?_

"Of course it is. You're so close. Don't give up now. That's what _they_ want." Lily answers herself aloud and drops on to her bed, heaving a great sigh.


	23. Chapter 22

(AN:Sorry it's sort of short. I couldn't' figure out how to write the quidditch game.. I'm going to keep trying though!)

The next few days leading up to the Saturday of the first quidditch match of the season. It was Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw so the stakes were rather high. The tension between the two houses had seemed to have reached its peak the morning of. Madam Hooch was the referee of the match, as she normally was for the first match of the season, so everyone new that she would be a fair and impartial judge.

All of the students could practically taste the tension as they trickled into the Great Hall for breakfast on the morning of. The day before none of the professors could get more than half of their class to focus at a time so most of them gave up and let their students go early. It was like all eyes were on James Potter and Kristen Yeslby, the two captains of the teams taht would play that day. James handled the pressure with ease and had done a light practice the night before where as Kristen looked like she was about ready to crack under the pressure.

"Here he comes! The man of the hour!" Sirius announces as the Marauders make their way into the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius was dressed from head to toe in Gryffindor paraphernalia. Peter had put on his sweater and had painted his chubby face red, though it didn't need much help in that area often. Remus had put on his Gryffindor sweater and James was dressed in his quidditch uniform, minus the robes of course. "Make way for the conquering captain!" Sirius announces with a grin as he and his friends take their usual seats.

Lily and her friends had taken to sitting with the Marauders this year and it wasn't uncommon anymore to find the seven of them sitting near each other in the library or out by the lake. Sure, some of the things the boys did annoyed the girls, mostly Lily, but they were now able to tolerate each other and get along fairly well.

James helps himself to a hearty, protein filled breakfast and greets the girls, "good morning ladies. I see you are all dressed for the game. Except for you Lily. Where's your red and gold?"

"Well um, this is sort of embarrassing to admit, but my Gryffindor shirt no longer fits me. It's too big." Lily blushes, poking at her bowl of cut up fruits.

"Well I would have shrunken it for you Lily. How about after breakfast is over, we run up to the dormitory and make it just a little smaller?" Remus offers with a slight smile. He had noticed that her clothes seemed to be getting bagger and bagger on her. It made him nervous.

"That sounds lovely. Thank you. ACtually, I'll head up there and get it now." Lily goes to stand up but stops when she feels a large hand on hers.

"Stay here, please? Just until breakfast is over. Surely it can wait that long." James asks, looking up at her, his hazel eyes smiling. Lily melts a tiny bit and sits back down in her seat. "Are you sure you don't want more food than that? The elves really out did themselves this morning with the food."

"Maybe they heard that our conquering hero needs his protein!" Sirius chimes in with a grin, eating.

"Ugh, Padfoot will you please close your mouth when you eat and not talk with your mouthful?" Remus asks, brushing crumbs off of his book without looking up from it. Sirius chuckles and wipes his mouth with a napkin, swallowing what's in his mouth.

"Sorry Moony. Promise I won't do it again." Sirius chats wtih Mary and Rebecca, clearly flirting. Mary and Rebecca giggle the entire way through their conversation. Lily picks at her food as she zones out on the noises and voices around her, lost in thought. James goes through the mini book of plays he has, just brushing up on some of it as he eats his breakfast.

"Well I've got to go. I'll see you guys down on the field. Wish me luck!" James wipes his mouth and waves to his friends, walking out and down to the field, the entire Gryffindor team following him. Lily stands up and hurries out of the room, heading up to her room. She had taken three bites of food and could feel it sitting in the pit of her stomach. It was an awful feeling.

She hurries to her room, glancing behind her to make sure her friends aren't following. When she reaches her room, she immediately goes into the bathroom and swings the door closed. Without checking to make sure it shut all the way, Lily bends over the toilet and rids her stomach of the juice she had drunk and the bites she had taken. Mary, unbeknownst to Lily, follows her to the bathroom door and she peaks through the crack between the door and the frame, watching her friend hurt herself. She stumbles back in shock as Lily brushes her teeth again and rinses her face with cold water. Mary shakes her head, not wanting to bring it up to her friend right now and simply waits by the door.

"Oh! Mary , I didn't know you were here." Lily jumps a little bit in shock when she walks out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, I just forgot my scarf is all." Mary grabs the scarf hanging from her bed and swings it around her neck. "Do you need help finding your shirt?"

"Nope. It's right here." Lily pulls it out of her trunk and carries it out of the room. _Oh Godric, she saw. No. You don't know that. Just pretend nothing is going on. Nothing is. It's not a big deal. It's fine._ Lily walks down and meets Remus at the bottom of the stairs. "Here is the shirt. You sure you can do this?"

"Yeah. My mom used to shrink my clothes for the local kids sometimes and even make it stretch if she needed to when I got older." Remus assures her and pulls out his wand, making the shirt shrink a size. Lily excuses herself to the bathroom to put it on as Mary comes down the stairs. "Mary, are you alright?"

"No. Where's Lily?"

"In the bathroom, what's wrong?" Remus follows her off to the side and away from the people making their way out to the quidditch pitch.

"Lily is hurting herself," Mary starts then proceeds to explain what she saw. "She did it to herself. She's not sick. She's hurting herself Remus."

"Are you sure that's what you saw?"

"Yes. I mean, you have to have noticed how much weight she's been losing. She's been moodier and she hasn't been eating properly. How do we bring this up to her? Should we tell a teacher?"

"No, Lily is too proud and she'll never forgive us. Let me think on this, ok? Don't say or do anything that will draw attention to that fact that you know." Mary nods and walks with him over to Lily.

"You are a genius Remus. It fits like a glove! Come on. We'd better hurry or we're not going to get good seats." Together the six friends all walk down to the quidditch pitch together, chatting away. They take six seats near each other and cheer as the teams walk onto the pitch. James and Kristen shake hands before going back to their side. The balls are released into the air and the players soon follow. The quidditch season at Hogwarts had officially begun.


	24. Chapter 23

(AN: be careful. This is where the story gets really really dark. So please, if you can't make it, please don't read it. For those of you struggling like Lily, please get help. Please. I beg of you. As someone who went through this, I know how hard it can be. I know how hard recovery can be.)

The two teams face off against each other for most of the day in an intense battle. Two of the Ravenclaw chasers get taken out by a Gryffindor bludger half way through the game, leaving just the one. One Gryffindor beater gets taken out and one of their chasers gets hit but can still play with one arm. James chases after the stitch a few times, eventually losing it. The Ravenclaw seeker just flies high above the stadium, watching and waiting.

Lily cheers for her team until her throat is raw, which doesn't take long, but the continues to wave her Gryffindor flag she had bought. The entire stadium leans forward as James does a ninety degree angle dive, barreling straight toward the ground. The Ravenclaw seeker, seeing this, dives to catch up to him. The entire stadium watches and holds their breath as James and the seeker both dive toward the ground without a second thought. At the very last possible second, James pulls up and shoots into the air. Sadly, the Ravenclaw seeker is not as lucky. She hits the ground and rolls, laying spread eagle when she is done.

The Gryffindor side of the stadium erupts in wild cheers and applause. Sirius raves about his best friend's superior flying skills as they watch him dart after the snitch, having seen it as he pulled up. James weaves through the other players and dodges the bludgers headed his way, snatching the snitch up with ease. The Gryffindor cheers loudly as they triumph over the Ravenclaws. James does a victory lap right over the seats, cheering in triumph. They had beat the Ravenclaw team one hundred and ten to two hundred seventy. It put them pretty far ahead in the house cup.

The Gryffindors and their supports flood the pitch as the players all land. James shakes hands with the captain and wishes them better luck in their next game, cheering when his team runs over. They all embrace and James breaks off, hugging James and chuckling. Lily, without a second thought, throws her arms around James's neck and hugs him. James lifts Lily into the air and grins. Lily, realizing what she had done, blushes as scarlet as his robes and takes a step back.

"C-congrats," Lily croaks out, her throat raw from cheering.

"Thanks!" James says before he is ushered into the crowd of his admirers. Lily turns and coughs into her hand, noticing a small spotting of blood when she pulls back. She quickly wipes her hand on the very bottom of her red shirt and squeezes through the crowd to go to the restroom. Mary and Rebecca stay behind and cheer with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Lily runs up to the castle and inside to the nearest rest room. She coughs and more blood comes up. Quickly, she grabs paper towels and coughs into them, feeling her throat tear even more. Lily stops and breathes heavily, drinking water from the tap and swishing it around in her mouth. She spits it out and washes her hands and her face.

That was the first time that had happened and Lily couldn't help but notice how pale she was when she locked into the mirror. Shaking her head, she walks out into the hall and to the library. If there was one thing that could help her right now it was doing research. Lily would handle this on her own. She could do that much. Immediately, she heads to the medical section and starts pulling out books that could offer a solution. _Maybe there's some kind of remedy to this. Maybe there's something that can soothe my throat. Stop the bleeding._ As she pulls a book down from one of the higher shelves, her arms shake and she drops the book. Glancing around quickly to see if anyone noticed, she puts the book on the table near her. Pulling out the chair, Lily sits down and pours herself into the research.

After an hour of searching all she finds is for things affecting the lungs. Lily gets frustrated with this and slams the books shut, tired of seeing the same thing over and over again. Waving her wand, Lily orders the books to return to where they belong. Heaving a great sigh, Lily stands up from the chair and sways as she does so.

"Whoa there," Remus gently catches her elbow, stabilizing his friend. "Alright, that's it Lily. I can't hold this in anymore. I know what you're doing and it has to stop."

"I don't know what you're talking about Remus." Lily blinks, trying to make the black spots go away. "Maybe there is something wrong with me but I'm not doing it."

"Lily! I'm not going to- come on. I'm not talking about this here." Remus takes her elbow and guides her to a classroom near the library entrance. Instead of fighting him, she just lets him lead her. She was too weak to fight him. "Lily, I know what you're doing. One of the girls saw you earlier so I can see that. I've noticed that you've stopped eating, everyone has and it worries us. Lily, we know you're vomiting up your meals."

Lily pulls her arm away from her friend and turns away from him, hugging herself. "You can't prove it. And if you're so worried, why don't you tell anyone? Huh? Why not go to Dumbledore or McGonagall?"

"Because we want to be why you stop. Lily you're smarter than this. You're better than this." Remus tries to keep his tone even and friendly but it's hard. He didn't understand why she would hurt herself like this. It was one of the worst things to do to yourself. Why?"

"You wouldn't understand, Remus. You don't have any of problems I do."

"Really? You think I wouldn't understand having issues? Lily I'm- I'm a werewolf! I understand having problems but this-this is just you being ridiculous. Why are you doing this?"

"You wouldn't understand Remus. You just wouldn't. It's not even a big deal."

"Then tell me, make me understand. It is a big deal. What did we do? What happened? What did we do? Why don't you eat? What can we do?"

"This isn't about you!" Lily turns on her friend, tears in her eyes. "This isn't about you! Can't I have one thing that's just for me? Can't I do something that is just for me? Why! Why does this have to be something that involves other people? This isn't for you! This is for me Remus! This is all about me for once! I get my grades for my parents and to prove everyone wrong. I get my extracurriculars for everyone else. I make friends for other people and try to keep them. I do everything for everyone else why can't I just do something for me for once?! This is just for me! I'm losing the weight for me! I don't eat because I need to do something for me! I need to do this! I need to have control over something. Everything else is for someone else. Why, why can't I do something for me?" Lily screams at her friend and shoves him to the side, running past him and up the stairs.

"Lily! Lily! Wait!" Remus yells after her, chasing after her. Lily ignores his calls and runs up to the Gryffindor common room. It would still be mostly empty as people were just now starting to pour in from the outside. She says the password and runs up to her room, crying. She let's her sobs over run her as she falls on to her bed, her heart racing and her breaths coming in short shallow gasps. _He doesn't get it. He thinks you're a freak now._

"Lily? Lily what's wrong?" Mary asks as she creeps into the room with Rebecca. "Remus told us what happened, he's really worried."

"Oh please you guys don't really care.. Go on to the party." Lily chokes out, closing her eyes.

"Of course we care Lily. We're your friends, whether you believe it or not." Rebecca sits next to her friend and gently rubs her back, feeling her spine under her clothes. Mary sits on her other side and gently wipes her tears. "Lily, you know you can trust us right? We're all just worried for you." Lily opens her eyes and looked at her friends, sniffling.

"We just want you healthy. We just want to understand what's going on is all. Help us to understand," Mary pleads with her friend. Lily sits up and hugs her knees to her chest, sniffling.

"I-I coughed up blood today.. When Remus found me I was trying to find a way to stop it," Lily admits and sits there, staring forward at her bed. "I-I started it this summer, since the last few days of school actually… I was tired of being called fat. It was just a diet, at first, you know? A few short runs, a few changes to what I eat, small stuff. Then I got to school and this-this person told me about how her mum helps her stay slim by making her-her vomit.. I thought I would give it a shot.. I thought I would just do it once.. I thought.. I thought I could control it.. I just wanted control.. I do everything for other people, I just wanted to do something for me."

Mary and Rebecca exchange looks but don't say anything, scared of upsetting her. What do you say to this? What do you do when your friend admits this?

"I'm sorry.. I know it's wrong.. I know it's uncomfortable.. I know that.. I know it's unhealthy but.. But I wanted this. I want to lose the weights but… the weight I lost this summer wasn't good enough.. I'm so sorry.." Lily's sobs start all over again. Mary gently hugs her friend to her chest, feeling her own eyes well up with tears.

"Lily, we're going to help you. I promise. It won't be easy but.. If you keep doing this we have to tell.. We'll have to. Will you let us help you?" Rebecca promises her friend, holding her friend. Lily nods, her entire body shaking. "Good… We're here for you Lily. No matter what happens."

Sitting there, on that small little four poster bed, Lily had never felt more connected with people. Even though there was a party full of people going on downstairs, she knew that right here was where she belonged. Right there, Lily knew that she had to change. She knew she couldn't go on like she had been. Right there, Lily promised to fight her demons.


	25. Chapter 24

Within the days following, Lily slowly begins to trust her friends, letting them in. Mary and Rebecca both watch her closely, making sure that she keeps her promise. Lily does, of course, falter but she takes one look at her friends and stops herself before she goes back over the edge. Remus helps and talks to Lily, taking a sort of therapist role. James and the others stay oblivious to her struggles but they help as well, making her laugh when she doesn't want to and making her smile, a true smile for once.

"Welcome class," Professor Slughorn greets as he walks into double potions on Thursday. "How are we feeling today?" The class mummers their answer, all sitting at their respective desks. "Well, I thought that we could shake things up a little bit. So I've decided to change the table partners for your next assignment. They'll be posted on the board." Slughorn waves his wand and the chalk begins to write out a new seating chart. Lily waits for her name to appear and can't help but frown when she is put at a table with James, Severus, and a Hufflepuff by the name of Samantha.

Lily, ever the dutiful student, moves to her new table without another thoughts. She watches as James smirks and waves his friends goodbye. _That's never a good sign._ Lily sets her station up and greets Samantha. Severus walks over slowly, setting up his station across from Lily in a methodical way.

"Hello, Lily," James smiles at her and settles into her left as Samantha settles across from him. "Well this should be interesting if anything else."

"Maybe this time you'll actually do your work." Snape mutters to himself, causing Lily to frown.

"I'm sorry what was that Snivellus? Hmm? Got something to say?" James asks with fake politeness.

"Enough you two. I won't have this fighting already. We're only here for two hours every other day so please just stop." Lily pleads and turns her head as Professor Slughorn begins to speak again.

"Now that we're all settled into our proper, new seats for the day. It's time for your assignment. Who can tell me what this potion is?" Slughorn uncaps a light purple potion and shows it to the class. Immediately Severus and Lily's hands shoot up in the air. "Sorry Mr. Snape but Ms. Evans was just slightly faster this time. Ms. Evans?"

"Draught of Living Death, sir." Lily says with pride.

"Very good and perhaps you could explain to us what this particular potion will do Mr. Snape?"

"The Draught of Living Death is an extremely powerful sleeping draught, sending the drinker into a deathlike slumber. Muggles have brought up a similar potion in their fairy tales entitled "Sleeping Beauty" and "Snow White"." Snape recites from the textbook.

"Very good answers. Ten points to Gryffindor and another ten to Slytherin. Now this is what you shall be brewing for me today. It can be found on page forty seven. You have one hour to brew it. There is a surprise in store for the person who gets the best potion. Your time starts now!" Immediately Snape and Lily jump out of their seats and go to the storage cabinet to fetch what they need.

Over the next hour, the class brews the best they can. Lily's hair frizzes up ever so slightly from the fumes while James barely focuses on the task, instead making snide offhand comments about 'people' aka talking about Snape without saying his name. Snape's focus is completely on the potion at hand and he doesn't even notice James's remarks. Lily watches as her ex best friend goes off book and envy stings at her slightly. Before she would have been happy for him but no longer would she allow herself to feel that way. He had hurt her too many times.

"And that is time! Please step away from your cauldrons!" Slughorn calls, walking among the cauldrons. He holds a single leaf, often commenting on people's potions. "I must say I expected this- oh what's this?" He pauses at Lily's cauldron and stirs it. "Hmm… I wonder." Slughorn rips the leaf in half and drops it into the cauldron. The leaf grows then shrinks but does not shrivel as it should. "Not quite, good effort though Ms. Evans." Slughorn moves on to Severus's potion and smiles, dropping the leaf in. "Oh! Very, very good! I would say one drop of that potion could put all of us to sleep for a very, very long time. Well done Mr. Snape!" Slughorn claps and the class follows suit, more half heartedly then Slughorn. "Now as was promised but first.. I think forty points to Gryffindor Ms. Evan's good try and sixty to Slytherin for succeeding." Slughorn pulls out a small vial and hands it to Snape. "Use this wisely. It is a PepperUp Potion. Madam Pomphrey told me that the flu is going to go around soon so be careful. Very good. Class dismissed!"

Lily huffs and packs up her belongings, making the contents of her cauldron disappear before leaving the classroom with James and his friends. Mary follows behind her with her new boyfriend, a Hufflepuff that the group only really tolerated. Lily walks with the Marauders and hugs herself.

"Oh! Lily, are you going on the Hogsmede trip this weekend?" Sirius asks her, looking back at her. "Come on short stack. Keep up," he teases her with a smile. Lily lengthens her stride to keep up with them. They were all taller than her now and often teased her for being short.

"I can't help that I have shorter legs than you! And yes, I'm going to do some early Christmas shopping. It is the beginning of November. It's about time I get around to it." Lily hugs her bag, knowing it's lunch time and she'll have to eat again. Every time it was meal time it was like she had to face her biggest fear.

"Should we be expecting anything Lily?" James asks with a grin.

"If you keep acting like the jerk you were last year then no." Lily doesn't look at him, walking ahead.

"What do you mean? I behaved! He was right there but I behaved." James argues, easily keeping up with her.

"Oh please. You made so many off hand comments it was ridiculous but fine. I'l give you props for not staying back and making any direct comments to him. Happy?" Lily asks, still not looking at him. James lays his arm across her shoulders and pulls her into his side, causing her to blush.

"Yes, yes I am!"

"Oh get off of me you big lug. Ugh." Lily pushes him away and walks into the Great Hall. Remus sits next to her and gives her an encouraging smile and a small nod. Lily takes a deep breath and gets herself some of the food. While she wasn't eating as much as she did last year she was eating more than she had been and for now, that was better. The rest of the gang all sit down and help themselves to food, chatting. As usual, Remus watches Lily carefully but doesn't make her feel as though he's keeping tabs. Lily takes small bites but eventually she finishes the food and her drink.

Progress. Slow but steady progress


	26. Chapter 25

The gang continues their progress into the following months, working hard on Lily's progress. Soon, she is no longer pale and sickly looking but instead has a healthy glow to her cheeks and is as happy as ever. As the Christmas holiday approaches, Slughorn drops hints about his annual Christmas party to the class. As Lily packs up her things after potions, Slughorn walks over to their table.

"Hello all! Very good work today, very good essays. Now, here is something from me to you for the holiday seasons," Slughorn hands an envelope to Lily, and Snape, then to James. "I hope to see you all there!" Slughorn walks to his office with a wide smile.

"Wow I don't have to crash it this year!" James jokes, shoving the invite in his backpack. Lily rolls her eyes and safely puts hers in the side pocket.

"Yeah so you don't have to make a huge scene like you did last year." James chuckles and picks up his bag.

"He's Potter. He'll make a scene anyway. He'll probably bring Black as his date since no girl wants to date him," Snape says, hurrying out of the room. Lily, seeing James pull out his wand, blocks his path to Snape.

"No! James, he's not worth it. Ok? I know he gets under your skin but you have to ignore him. He's not worth it." Lily pleads with him, letting her hand rest on his chest. "Please just let it go." James, reluctantly, nods and leaves his wand in his pocket. "Let's just go outside for a walk, ok?" Lily turns on her heels and walks out the door.

"I still say we hex him next time we get the chance to," Sirius quietly adds, following beside James.

"Yeah but how?" James questions, thinking. Lily, now that they were friends, was with them a lot. There were only a few times when they would have time that was just the four of them.

"Well, he's doing prefect rounds tonight." Remus chimes in from behind them.

"That's brilliant! Moony, you're a genius!" james kisses his friend's dirty blonde hair and catches up to Lily. "So, we still on for flying lessons today?"

"I don't know it's quite cold.. I'm not sure." Today was the day that Lily was supposed to start riding on her own and, while it was cold, she was more nervous about doing that then anything else.

"Oh please. You're the girl that wants to go on a walk around the yard when it's this cold. Lily, you're not going to get hurt. I won't let anything bad happen to you while I'm out there. We'll do a few simple heating spells and it'll be like you're sitting out by the fire in the common room. Come on Lily, you gotta fly with me. This is a big step for you." James encourages her as they all get on their jackets, hats and scarves. Lily chews her bottom lip then nods, pulling her hat over her head and walking into the still of the winter air.

The merry group makes their way to their usual spot beside the lake. Sirius grins as he jumps and climbs up into the branches of the tree. Peter watches in amazement as James joins him. Lily and Remus both roll their eyes and settle for a spot on the ground, first melting the snow with their wands, and begin to study. Mary continues to walk with her boyfriend, arguing about something. Lily conjures a small flame in a jar and sets it down between her and Remus to keep warm while they read.

James and Sirius jump down from the tree and begin to throw snowballs at each other, laughing and joking as they do so. They toss snowballs between each other, hitting each other most of the time. Grinning, they each make a snowball, take aim and throw them square at Remus and Lily. Lily jumps up as she is hit and brushes the snow off of her. Remus, knowing what is going to happen, calmly raises his book and blocks it.

"James Fleamont Potter!" Lily sets her book down and runs after the boy, grabbing a handful of snow as she goes. James laughs and takes off running, weaving his way through the snow.

"I'm sorry! I was aiming for Remus!" James lies, laughing as he trips and falls into the snow. Lily, right behind him, also trips and falls on top of him. Lily, still angry, dumps the handful of snow on to his face, making sure some goes in his shirt. James yelps in shock and then laughs as it melts. "Lily! That's cold!"

"Yes! I know!" Lily turns beat red, partially from cold, partially from being on top of James. James gently brushes a stray piece of hair out of her face and grins up at her, childlike wonder dancing in his eyes.

"Dog pile!" Sirius yells, laying on top of Lily and causing her to be smooshed between Sirius and James. "It's a lion sandwich!" James laughs and shifts his weight so Sirius falls into the snow and rolls off of Lily. Lily stands up and brushes herself off, blushing hard.

"I should get inside. We have that essay to work on for Transfiguration," Lily grabs her bag and hurries into the castle, blushing darkly. She goes to the library and gets to work finishing her essay. While her and James were now friends, still was still insecure about trusting him with everything and allowing herself to have a crush on him. It was something that she often debated late at night with Mary and Rebecca.

The rest of the day passes without incident and, promptly at 6:30 Lily makes her way to the quidditch pitch for her flying lesson. She had done a simple spell on her clothes that made it to where she would feel warm no matter what and had made sure to wear three layers of gloves. James waits at the pitch for her, doing a few laps by himself. When he sees her red hair, he lands next to her with ease.

"Alright. So today, flying on your own. How do you feel?" James asks as he dismounts from his broom. Lily nods, hugging her jacket to her body tightly. "Well then let's get this over with. I don't wanna drag it out anymore than I have to. So, I was thinking we do a few warm up laps together and then you go on your own, just simple stuff."James passes her the broom and let's her mount it, climbing on behind her. "Alright, into the air we go."

Lily kicks off the ground and heads into the air, keeping it steady as she gains altitude. It was amazing how James was able to break down things in a way so she understood what he meant. She guides them around the pitch and leans into his body behind her. _Simply for warmth_ , she tells herself. It wasn't because she had any feelings toward him. Not at all. Lily lands when he tells her to and dismounts from the broom, chewing her lip nervously.

"Alright, you're ready Lily. I'll be right behind you. Sirius lent me his broom for today." James grabs the broom and gives her an encouraging smile. "Whenever you're ready, just take off into the air like you've been practicing." Lily nods and chews her lip, holding the broom tightly. "Lily, you have to relax before you go into the air. Hey, it's gonna be okay." James rests his hand on her and gives a small nod. Lily nods, not really sure what to say, and climbs on the broomstick.

 _Okay Lily, you've done this a million times now. Just kick off into the air and off you go! Just do it. DO IT!_ Lily takes a deep breath of cold winters air and kicks off, shocked at the difference between when James is on and when he isn't. James smiles proudly and quickly follows her into the sky, quickly catching up to her.

"Good job Lily! That was great! Just do a few laps okay?" Lily smiles and heads around the pitch, picking up speed as she does so. James follows just underneath her, making sure that he can catch her if she misguides the broom. As he and Sirius both have Nimbus 1000s, they were easy to handle but since they were so responsive there was the chance that it would over react to her commands. Lily lands after twenty minutes of flying and dismounts, hugging him once he lands.

"I did it! I did it all by myself!" James chuckles and hugs her close with his free hand, holding Sirius's broom with the other.

"That you did. Now come on, I'm frozen to my bones." James locks the brooms in the cupboard and walks to the castle with her, enjoying seeing the pure, unbridled joy on her face. It had been a while since he had seen that look.


	27. Chapter 26

(hey guys! Thanks so much for reading this far. I'm planning to end it soon [when they graduate probably] but I might do a sequel, so be on the lookout for that! Happy reading!)

The pair walks through the grounds, talking about her progress and joking at the idea of Lily trying out for the Gryffindor team next year. Lily looks as she feels something light fall on her head.

"The first snowfall of the year," Lily comments, smiling from ear to ear. James watches as she holds her arms out and faces the sky, spinning around. As Lily spins, it was like the entire world focused on her and the snow fell harder than it had been. Lily giggles as she feels the snowflakes fall on her face and melt against her skin, keeping her eyes closed. As Lily spins, she gets dizzy and begins to sway without noticing it. James, seeing this, swoops in and catches her before she falls and hits the ground. "Oh.. thank you."

"My pleasure," James holds her and smiles at her blushing red face.

"Ohhh what have we here? A Mudblood and her blood traitor girlfriend?" A cold, sneering voice rings out through the grounds, interrupting their moment. James sets Lily on her feet and reaches for his wand. Lily puts her hand in her pocket, feeling her wand there.

"Avery, hello. Ah and Mulciber. How lovely to see you two out here on this fine evening. If you'll excuse us, we were just going inside." James tries to keep his tone even, sliding his wand easily up his sleeve to hide but it have easier access to it. Avery grins and Mulciber steps forward, his wand sliding out of his sleeve.

"No. See, I think that we need to teach you two a lesson or two. What do you think Mulciber?" Mulciber nods in agreement, grinning from ear to ear. The two boys were known to have slight sadistic tendencies. Lily also knew that they were friends of Severus.

"Ten points from Slytherin for threatening your fellow- _Protego!"_ Lily throws up a shield charm as Avery raises his wand and slashes in the air.

"How dare you talk directly to us you filthy little mudblood!" Mulciber shouts, raising his wand and firing a few simple spells. Lily deflects each one with a simple flick of her wrist. Avery stands next to his friend and raises his wand, firing a stinging hex at James. James deflects it and fires one of his own, hitting Avery in his non wand arm.

"You son of a bitch! You blood traitor! How dare you hang around this filth! How dare you betray your pureblood family!" Avery yells, clumsily firing a few spells at James. James dodges and fires a few of his own, his brow furrowed in concentration. His only goal was to not get hit and to make sure Lily wasn't hit by any stray spells.

"Try this on for size!" Mulciber yells, a dangerous glint in his eyes. With that, he conjures the fiendfyre spell. Lily's eyes widen and her heart beats fast, her mind moving at a million kilometers an hour, trying to come up with a spell to block it.

"Augamenti!" Lily aims her stream at the creature, putting all of her magic into it. James blocks Avery's attacks while Lily puts out the fiendfyre. Once she does, she quickly turns her attention back to Mulciber,casting _expelliamus_ and _petrificus tortalus._ Lily does the same to Avery while he is distracted dueling James. "James are you alright?" Lily asks while catching Avery's wand out of the air. James nods and scowls as he sees Severus running over to the pair of them.

"What is the meaning of this?! Why do you have their wands?!" Severus pulls out his, fearing an attack. "Why did you attack them?"

"Us attack them!? Are you kidding me!" James yells, holding a small cut on his arm that Avery had managed to get in. Lily, feeling the tension in the air, steps between the two of them.

"Enough. Mulciber and Avery attacked us. We didn't have a choice. Now, if you'll excuse me, we need to take these two up to the head master." Lily flicks her wand, wordlessly levitating the two of them, and walks into the castle without another word. She passes the Great Hall and goes immediately to the Head Master's office. "Sherbet lemon," Lily gives the password to the statue and climbs the stairs, hearing James and Severus running behind her. Once she reaches the top, she carefully knocks on the door.

"Enter," Dumbledore's voice rings through the room and Lily opens the door, walking through. "What is going on here Ms. Evans?" Lily sets the Slytherins on the ground and undoes the body-bind curse on them, setting their wands on Dumbledore's desk.

"I want to file a report, Headmaster. James and I were just attacked outside by Avery and Mulciber without them being provoked."

"Headmaster, the only thing that I saw was Potter and Lily standing over the two disarmed Slytherins," Severus chimes in, sticking up for his house mates without question. Dumbledore calmly conjures three more comfy chairs in front of his desk and gestures for them all to take a seat, sitting in his own chair. He sends Fawkes off to fetch McGonagall and Slughorn. The two heads of house appear almost instantly in the office, each standing by their respective students.

"Alright, Mr. Potter if you could please tell me your side of the story and then we'll hear Mr. Avery's. Then Ms. Evans. Then Mr. Mulciber. And last but not least, we'll hear Mr. Snape's as he seems to have been on the scene for the least amount of time. If I could have the rest of you leave the room for just a moment except for Mr. Potter." The four other students stand and leave the room, descending the staircase. Slughorn walks with them to make sure nothing would happen while they each waited their turn.

James launches into the story and tells it from the time of Lily's lesson to the moment they walked into his office. Dumbledore listens and McGonagall records what he is saying using an enchanted quill. Next, Avery walks up and McGonagall and Slughorn switch places. Avery tells the story as if James had attacked them first then had gotten Lily to join in and fight them. He tells of how they were absolutely defenseless against the two Gryffindors. Lily and McGonagall walk up and Lily tells the exact same story as James had. When it is Mulciber's turn, he tells the story how it had actually happened. When Snape walks up, his version of the story is much shorter and he is easily dismissed as he had not seen any of the fight, only the aftermath.

"Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak with all of us," Slughorn says as he walks down. The two Gryffindors and the two Slytherins walk up and into the office, taking their respective seats.

"Well, I think in this case, the truth was easy enough to be found out. The stories of two of you did not match up exactly and that troubles me. Mr. Avery and Mr. Mulciber, you will both be held accountable. I am taking one hundred points from Slytherin house for attacking your fellow students. I am also stripping you of your prefect position Mulciber. As this was a blood purity related incident, you will both have detention for the next two months, as much as it pains me. Your parents will also be written to and your actions will be explained to them. You two are dismissed. Professor Slughorn, if you could please show them to the Slytherin common room." Dumbledore dismisses the Slytherins and they leave. Lily fiddles with the bracelet around her wrist, scared they were now going to get in trouble.

"Now, you two. One hundred points each will be awarded to Gryffindor house for excellent spell work and keeping a calm head in the heat of a duel. Very well done both of you. Particularly you Miss. Evans. From what I heard you disarmed Mr. Mulciber's fiendfyre charm, a very difficult feat." Lily blushes softly and thanks him, glancing at James next to her. "Now, you two are to take off from your morning classes and report straight to Madam Pomphrey. Excellent work you two." Lily and James both stand up and thank him, walking out.

"I can't believe that! Two hundred points just for kicking their sorry asses!" James laughs and walks down the hall with Lily. Lily gives a half hearted chuckle, hearing her demons screaming at her what the two of them had called her. "Hey, don't listen to a word that they said. You're obviously a better spell master than either of them could ever hope to be. You kicked ass back there Lily. Truly, it was kind of beautiful."

"Thank you," Lily blushes deeper and let's her hair cover her face. The two of them walk into the Hospital Wing and are immediately assigned beds next to each other. Madam Pomphrey fusses over the two of them, looking over Lily first. As she does, Lily hears the Marauders enter and immediately swamp James with questions about what had happened. When Madam Pomphrey is done and switches to James, the Marauders swamp her. "One at a time, please!"

"Sorry, are you alright?" Remus apologizes for the group, sitting next to her.

"Yeah, she said that I just used a lot of my magic and need to rest. The cuts I have should be healed up by morning." Despite her shield charms, some of Mulciber's spells had done some minor damage to her arms and hands. "I'll be okay."

"Good. and how's the two snakes?" Sirius says, hate clear in his voice.

"They're fine. I guess. Madam Pomphrey is going to visit them in their dormitory after us. They didn't want to put us together, they were scared that we might get into another row and since they were technically to blame," Lily shrugs and pulls at the strings on her blanket.

"Good. So after that I can kick their as-"

"No Sirius. No. You're better than that and James and I don't need revenge. Please just let it go." Lily pleads, knowing that it was going to be hard to keep James and sirius from striking back at the two of them. "You're both better than that now."

Madam Pomphrey opens the curtains around James's bed, "alright. It's late and these two both need rest. Out with you lot. Out!" The Marauders all wave by to their friends and leave up to the Gryffindor Common Room. "Now, you two try and get some sleep. If you need anything I'll be back in a few minutes but my assistant is here so just holler if you need anything. Get some sleep."

The two Gryffindors nod and watch as she goes. Lily turns to James and gives him a small smile, "thank you for the lessons and for defending me against those bullies."

"They're wrong about you Lily. You're not dirty. You're one of the most innocent people that I know and you're pure. They're the ones who are bad." James reassures her. The two of them share a smile and spend the rest of the night chatting until Madam Pomphrey returns and puts a curtain between them around midnight.


	28. Chapter 27

Lily and James are let go at lunchtime the following day after a strenuous check up by Madam Pomphrey. The pair walk to the Great Hall and sit among their friends, being greeted like heroes by their fellow classmates, except for the Slytherins of course. All the two of them received from that table were steely glances of hatred. Lily brushes them off and settles in between Remus and Mary.

"So how does it feel to be regarded as a heroine Lily?" Mary asks, taking a bite of her lunch. Lily shrugs and helps herself to some of the food on the table. Remus, seeing the trouble in her eyes, gently pats her shoulder.

"It's alright Lily. Those snakes are just stupid and I bet you they won't dare try anything ever again because you and James kicked their butts!" Remus encourages with a sly grin. He was truly proud of her. From what he could tell, she hadn't gone back to her old destructive habits, even though she wanted to. Lily half heartedly smiles, picking at the food she had gotten and put on her plate.

"Say it with me Remus. A-S-S. What does that spell? Ass!" Sirius teases Remus, "come on, just say it with me. You can do it! I believe in you mate!" Mary giggles like an air at Sirius's lame joke and leans across the table, touching his arm. Lily rolls her eyes at her friend's antics. It was like, ever since her boyfriend and her broke up, she's been trying desperately to get together with Sirius. It was sort of pathetic.

"You're so funny Sirius!" Mary giggles in a high pitch voice. The rest of the table looked at her as if she's crazy but doesn't say anything, all eating at that point.

The rest of the day passes without incident. Lily goes to the rest of her classes and tries to ignore Severus's looks of hatred. She knew that her old best friend was mad at her and they would probably never be friends again but it still hurt like hell. Lily shakes off her dark feelings, knowing that she's come so far to take a step backwards now. She would not give into the dark desires that she'd buried deep within her.

Later that night, as Lily is on patrol, Severus approaches her. "So you and Potter, huh? What about him being a disgusting toe rag?" Lily turns around and lifts her lit wand into his face, taking a step back when she realizes how close they are.

"What do you mean? We're just friends."

"Really ? You were awfully chummy for just friends. Or are you his friend and he's your something more?"

"Severus, you sound like a crazy person. James and I are just friends. What's it to you anyway? Aren't I just a mudblood?" Severus's mouth opens, trying to form the words to defend himself. "No, you know what no. I'm not 'just' a mudblood. I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than your hateful words and your bullying Severus. I'm Lily Evans. I'm a witch. I'm a mudblood. I'm better than you and your stupid little Death Eater friends. I've made peace with my struggles. How about you not judge the way I'm living my life? Especially considering you're not even my friend anymore." Lily turns down a corridor and walks away from him. _Wow, that felt good!_ Lily grins to herself and walks down the corridor, trying to listen for anyone coming down the corridor.

"Might I just say young lady that that was very brave?" A portrait comments with a smile.

"Why thank you sir," Lily bows her head in respect and keeps walking down the corridor. She stops when she hears whispers and dims her spell light, creeping toward the sound.

"You have to be quiet! Shut up!" A young male voice drifts through a door, obviously talking to someone else. "Just hang that up there before someone catches us."

"I'm trying but it won't get up there!" Another young voice adds in. _They must be pretty young. Probably second years or first years._ "I mean, Professor Flitwick never did say that you could use this spell to hang stuff… It won't go on the hook!"

"Okay, levitate me up there and I'll do it." The first boy says. Lily lifts her wand and slips in through the back door to the classroom, lighting the room with her light.

"Alright, step back from the bucket of mess." The two young boys jumps apart and the bucket of slop drops to the ground, splashing all over the place. Lily waves her wand and returns it to the bucket. _A Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff. Maybe inter house friendships can last._ "Alright, what're your names and what year are you both in?"

"I'm Ry-Ryan Trewold." The Gryffindor says, glancing at his friend.

"I'm Edward Trewold. We're second years." The Hufflepuff adds. "We're twins." Looking closer, Lily could see the resemblance between the two.

"And what was your plan?" Lily inquires, lowering her wand slightly. It was obvious these boys meant no harm."

"Well, we wanted to pull a prank on our classmates during Transfiguration tomorrow. The idea was to hang the bucket from a string and pull the string as they walk in tomorrow." Ryan explains, shyly gesturing to a string off to the side. _That's how the Marauders started off._

"Wouldn't you have gotten caught anyway?" Lily asks, leaning against a desk.

"Maybe but it still would've been cool." Edward grins, glancing at his twin. Lily can't help but smile at the two young pranksters.

"Alright. Sadly, I do have to take some points for you being out of bed. So.. Three points from Gryffindor and three points from Hufflepuff. If it was someone else who had caught you it would've been more and they would have reported you to your head of house. I'm not going to do that. Back to your dorms with you two." Lily herds them out of the classroom, first leading Edward to his house's door then heading up to Gryffindor tower with Ryan. "That was a pretty good levitation charm your brother had going. With a little bit more practice- not raising buckets of mess-he'll be really good."

"Yeah, he's great but he thinks he has to yell whenever he casts a spell. It's why I was fussing at him. I'm rubbish at charms but I'm pretty good at potions." Ryan gives a small smile, yawning at the end. Lily stops in front of the Fat Lady's portrait with him.

"I'm going to deny this if you tell anyone but if you want to do some simple, harmless pranks… The Marauders are the best to talk to. They're the group of four loud boys that I hang out with. Just pretend you heard about them through the grapevine, got it?" Ryan nods excitedly as Lily smiles, giving the password and watching him go up to his dorm. She sighs and walks back down the stairs, returning to her rounds.


	29. Chapter 28

A/N: Sorry about the long wait guys! Things have been crazy here at school!

Soon enough, Christmas is upon the gang. Everyone had decided that that year they were going to spend Christmas with each other at Hogwarts so Christmas morning it came as no surprise that the four boys were all down in the Common Room making as much noise as possible to wake Lily up. Lily, grinning from ear to ear, puts the last bow on the Christmas gifts she had bought for the boys and carries them down to the Common Room with a spell.

"Happy Christmas!" The four Marauders grin up at their honorary fifth member, each wearing cozy sweaters from Mrs. Potter. James helps Lily get the presents to the right pile, having already woken up early to divide them into piles. Lily blushes softly and brushes her hair back as her and James make small talk.

"Alright! Who wants to open their gift first?" Sirius asks, his grin wider than that of the cheshire cat.

"Well, how about we all open one up at the same time? That way we're doing it together and nobody fights over it like we normally do." James offers up with a slight smile. He'd been trying to focus and be better for Lily. He really wanted to show her that he truly had changed from the person he had been the past years at school. The rest of the Marauders agree and each pick up a package. "On three. One… Two… Three!"

The sound of ripping paper fills the Gryffindor common room as the Marauders all rip into their gifts. Sirius laughs and shows off the book his parents got him ( _Purebloods: Why Blood Matters_ ). The rest of the Marauders laugh along with their friend and pat him on the back in a show of support. They all couldn't be prouder of their friend for choosing his own path way in life.

The five of them spend the rest of the day sharing jokes and gifts in the Common Room before finally pulling on real clothes and going to the Great Hall for Christmas dinner. As usual, Lily was dazzled by the decorations and the feast set before the students. Huge trees shown with fairy lights and real fairies while snow fell from the enchanted ceiling on to the tables. Christmas music played from enchanted instruments that were floating overhead. Mistletoe was hung and Lily was very careful to avoid it at all costs lest she be trapped under it with a certain Quidditch player. It was truly a magical time.

Lily smiles widely and jogs to her friends, sitting in her now usual seat. She had grown accustomed to eating meals with the Marauders and had even begun to feel normal about it all. Every day, it got easier to eat and easier to handle her feelings. Remus made sure that he was always there whenever she needed to talk and James helped, even if he didn't know exactly what was wrong with her.

"Nice sweater, Lily," Sirius grins. Lily rolls her eyes and sarcastically thanks him. He was the one who had bought it for her. It was a red sweater with a deer on it. For some reason, Sirius thought this was the funniest thing and James had turned as red as the sweater when he saw it. Lily knew it was probably an inside joke but it didn't bother her. She liked the sweater so she was going to wear it.

"Shut up Padfoot, nobody asked you!" James blushes and pokes around at his food. Sirius laughs and nudges his friend's shoulder.

"I know that but I don't care!" Sirius grins and winks at Lily as she giggles and eats her dinner. The two of them were getting closer and closer as time passed though they still weren't as close as Lily and James or Lily and Remus.

"Alright, Lily what do you think the outcome is going to be? Us versus Hufflepuff?" Peter asks. Even he had begun to form a relationship with Lily.

"Hmm.. well we definitely have a better set of chasers but they definitely have a good set of beaters. I would say our seeker is better though, don't get all cocky James. I said better than theirs, not the best." Lily adds as she sees James's chest poof up slightly. James sheepishly runs a hand through his hair and takes a small bite of pie. "I think that it's going to be an even match until the very end. I'm excited to watch it."

"Sounds fair enough," Peter smiles and digs into his cheese cake. Lily and the Marauders spend the rest of the night eating and chatting with excitement.


End file.
